The last couple of days, I have felt the need to take more time to be still instead of constantly listening to music, as I often do. I'm not sure if its just me, but when it seems like God needs to talk to me, I can tell. Sometimes, the feeling of being on the verge of a prompting or receiving guidance from Heavenly Father lasts for a few hours, sometimes its a few days. That feeling of 'be still something is coming' has stuck around for a few days and I have found myself going about my day in the stillness instead of constant noise.
Tonight, I took my youngest sister, Sophie, to her soccer game. As my family will attest, I get very invested in these games and upset with the whole 'better than thou' mindset many teenagers take on during sports activities. Tonight was no different, until I heard my sister's name come up by a teenager that was standing behind me. She said rude things about Sophie and about other's on her team. I wanted so badly to stand up and march over to give her a piece of my mind. Sophie came off the field soon after that because she was not feeling well. The whole drive home I was still seething internally about this girl's rudeness. I was also feeling the frustration that Sophie was feeling having to leave the game early, because I've been there, and it really is not fun.
I am a highly sensitive person and as such, I often feel deeply what others are feeling. After having the soccer game experiences and two other experiences earlier in the day, my heart was about to explode. As soon as I stepped in the shower tonight, it was like a dam had broke. I cried because life is hard. I cried because we live in a broken, mortal world. I cried because plans we make don't always work out. I cried because of the hurt, sadness, and evil that is in the world around us. I cried for that teenager that stood behind me, who I'm sure has her own trials to deal with and might be hurting inside too. I cried for Sophie and the struggles she faces. I cried for the others I talked to today that are hurting because of varying circumstances in their lives. I cried and I cried some more. Then, I wiped my tears and thanked my Father in Heaven for the Savior. For His unconquerable love. For His peace that is beyond description. For His amazing grace. For the power He has over satan and sin. For His desire and ability to lighten our burdens and walk with us through life.
A few months ago during Stake Conference, the presiding authority asked us what satan knew about us and then what God knew about us. Many people said that satan and God both know everything about us. However, this member of the seventy, said somethings I will never forget. He said that satan has outdated information, he only knows us from the us that he met before he was cast out of Heaven. He knows some of the things we would face in life, but He doesn't actually know us. God, however knows our past, present, and future. He sees the whole picture and nothing is outdated in His view of us and our lives. The next thing he said hit me like a ton of bricks. He asked us why we would let anybody who doesn't know the whole us, tell us who or what we are or are not. Those teachings and truths have not only freed me from heavy burdens I had carried for years, but have also helped me realize and remember that I don't know anyone else fully like God does. I am reminded to be kind, even in my thoughts about others.
So, after letting myself feel everything tonight and cry it out, I thanked God. What else is there to do? When you know that the most powerful being in the universe knows you and loves you AND knows and loves all people, you thank Him for that and ask to see other's and yourself through Heaven's eyes.
(A friend shared this song with me earlier this week and it fits perfectly with the things I've been feeling.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36tQPwA1RZo
Love,
Kenzie