My journey of faith

These past 6 months have been a journey, if there ever was one. Being checked into a mental hospital was never on my list of things to do. But God works in mysterious ways and work He did. When dealing with depression and anxiety, you feel very on edge and ready to do everything and more, but depression counteracts that and makes you feel very un-motivated and you feel like doing nothing. With depression can also come self-harm or suicidal thoughts. These are not something to be taken lightly. My depression became so bad, I was physically ill because of it. I was admitted into a mental hospital late January/beginning February. When I learned that going there would be the best help to me and that I would only see my family for an hour each night, I bawled. My family is my biggest support system, I didn't think I could do it being apart from them like like. By God's tender care I was able to make it through.

 During my stay at the hospital, I had no church, but I did get a Book of Mormon half way through my stay. The atmosphere at the hospital was unlike anything I'd ever been around before. Most of the kids came from rough backgrounds, nothing like what I was used to. They swore and talked about drugs and such constantly. Normally I can block these  things out, but having to live with it was almost too much for me. So I began reading the Book of Mormon, I was astounded how much I could feel the Spirit amidst so much junk. Reading the Book of Mormon and feeling of that sweet Spirit is truly what got me through those dark days. Coming home after a week and a half stay there, was good and bad. Mostly good. (My thoughts are scattered so bear with me.)

My family is my everything, my parents came every single night to visit with me, my grandma called me everyday, much love was sent from my siblings through the phone or my parents. I love my family so much! They are the strongest, most caring, most loving people you will ever meet. I am so glad that I have such a strong support system in my family, they are always there for me no matter what and are always quick to give me their love. My second family was amazing as well. I have the best ward family anyone could ask for, they were constantly helping, praying, and loving me and my family. I love my ward! My friends are the best friends anyone could ask for, my friends held a fast for me. I'm crying right now just thinking about it and how blessed I am with angels for family and friends. But, the one person who never left my side was my Savior Jesus Christ. He knows exactly what I went through and what I continue to go through and He knows how to give me what I need to keep going when I need it. He doesn't just know how to help me, He does help me. My Savior suffered every imaginable thing just so I don't have to suffer alone. How grateful I am for His sacrifice in my behalf. My testimony of the Savior has grown so much in the past 6 months that I often I am overcome by the Spirit and the reality of it all. As I look back on what I've dealt with the last few months I am simply grateful, grateful that I have a loving Father in Heaven and Redeemer that care about me enough to not leave me comfortless. I'm grateful for my family, who are also by my side through everything. I am grateful for my ward who have supported me and my family through our trials. I am thankful for my testimony of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon and the gospel of Jesus Christ and for my faith in the Savior and the power of His Atonement. I am also grateful for how much I have been strengthened because of my trials and wouldn't change what I've learned and how much I've grown for the world. I love my family, my ward, my friends, and my Savior more than words can express. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus Christ is real, He lives, and He is aware of our individual needs. I love a quote by Elder Holland that basically sums up my life "Don't you quit. Don't you give up. You keep walking, you keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead, a lot of it. Trust God and believe in good things to come."

Love,
Kenzie