As many of you know I have been down for eight weeks with a couple different things that are causing an enormous amount of extreme pain, so much so that I can barely move when in the most intense pain. We always hear that trials are blessings in disguise, we can only grow from trials, and so forth. Well a few weeks in it still didn't seem like I was getting better and I even thought I might have been getting worse. I wondered to myself how on earth I was being blessed by this and when was it going to end? I kept up the faith and vigilantly wrote in my journal each night five things I was grateful for (a habit I've been at for years-thanks to my Mom). And each day I was surprised by the things God did for me that day and the good experiences I did have even while in pain. For one thing, I was grateful that the problems were not from my appendix. I was grateful for the kind thoughts and visits from friends. I was grateful often times for being able to get through the pain that day. In so many ways was God blessing me to recognize that even when we are at our lowest He and the Savior are there for me. That doesn't really strike home until I'm praying and I either receive peace to know I can keep going or revelation that things will be taken care of soon. One night while praying for patience to keep plugging along (because let's be honest my patience is completely gone after 8 weeks of excruciating pain) a thought came to mind that if I can just make it to this week when I was getting another test done and had a doctor's appointment (which we ended up canceling because they wouldn't have been able to help me like the other doctor's I have appointments with) that if I could make it till this week I would receive answers to what's been going on. I don't know how fast I will heal (if what I have is curable), I don't know when I will be able to get back to work, or even if I will be able to start school at the end of the month and go full time like I've scheduled. God didn't give me the answers to all my questions, but He gave me enough to keep me going for a time longer. To say not having all the answers scares me is an understatement, but I am praying with all my heart that God will help me keep having faith in His plan and in His timing, because I don't have anything else to go off of here, I am choosing to put all my faith in every single prayer I utter that God will guide me and I'm putting every ounce of faith in my Savior, because He is the only one who understands the exact pain I'm going through and is the only one who can get me through this. I came across a quote today that said "You can worry or you can trust God, you can't do both." So I am choosing to trust God today, tomorrow, and every day.
Love,
Kenzie
