During
June’s stake conference as I sat at the adult session I suddenly and repeatedly
had the thought that I needed to serve a service mission, now, this was not in
my plans at all (I planned to get my health under control and head back to
Logan to attend USU in the Fall) I kind of freaked out. Needless to say, I
don’t remember much else from stake conference. When I
got home, I cried and cried and cried. To be told to drop everything and
postpone all your plans and do something completely different is scary! The
next day I prayed about it and felt calm that serving a service mission was
what I needed to do. As I went through the process of submitting my papers and
got closer to this actually happening, I was plagued with doubts about if what
I was doing was right. My anxiety shot up and I was still having health
problems. I’ve been so worried about how I’m going to serve when I never know
when pain is going to hit me. With all this happening, how did I have enough
faith to act on this prompting that was not in my plans and get to where I am
today?
My faith
began as a little child singing “I Am A Child of God” in primary, it grew as I
recited the YW theme each week in Young Women’s. One culminating test of faith
was during my Junior year of high school when I had a prolonged stay at a
mental health facility and was diagnosed with depression. I was surrounded with
negative people and was in the worst place mentally I’d ever been. A couple
days into my stay I found a Book or Mormon and began reading it in my free time
(which we had a lot of). In that dark, depressing time it was hard to feel the
Spirit and hard to have faith that this was something I needed to go through. I
hated every minute there but had never read The Book of Mormon in such a
soul-searching way, nor exercised my faith with such fervency. This past year I
was diagnosed with endometriosis, which unchecked can cause severe,
debilitating pain. For many months all I could do was lay on the couch and pray
for a solution. During that time, I learned to have faith that God does hear my
prayers and I developed a closer relationship with Him. This past January I
moved to Logan to attend school, a month into the semester I was struck with
intense pain again. We went through the process of trying all sorts of new
things to get me feeling better, still with no luck, I moved back home. I
couldn’t understand why God wanted me home again and why I was in so much pain
again. I kept praying to understand why this was happening to me when I
received the prompting to serve a mission. All of those trials, the pain, the
confusion all built my faith so when God told me to change my plans, I would
have faith enough to obey. Alma 32 says faith is not a perfect knowledge. I
didn’t know then why I had so much pain or why I still do, but I don’t need to
know, I just have to have faith that God does know. Elder L. Tom Perry once
said: “Even with the slightest tug from the Master, we must be willing to
completely alter our course.” He also said: “Obedience is a choice, a choice
between our own limited knowledge and power and God’s unlimited wisdom and
omnipotence.”
Now, let me
briefly describe the process of being called to service mission since most
people don’t know how it works. I fill out the same papers that other
missionaries do , have the same meetings with the Bishop and Stake President.
They add comments saying they recommend me for a service mission, but it is up
to the prophet and quorum of the 12 to decide what kind of mission I will
serve. I waited about 4 weeks for my call to come. It said that I would be
serving a church service mission and that in the next 30 days more details
would come. The next step is to meet with Bishop, stake president, parents, and
the mission leaders over the Brigham area, we discussed what options I have to
give service in the community. Then the mission leaders took me around to the
possible places. The Bishop’s storehouse, food pantry, temple, family history
center, DI, and the Distribution Center. I then came up with a schedule of when
I want to go where, that was sent to Pres. Mecham then to SLC to the apostles,
they approved it and sent it back and that was considered my assignment call. I
was set apart as a full-time missionary this past Monday and began my mission
on Tuesday where I spent 2 hours at the food pantry, I will also be at the
family history center on Thursdays and the temple on Fridays. Some of the rules
are like proselytizing missionaries, no dating, no babysitting. Some rules are a little different, I only have to
wear my name badge at church and at my service assignments. So, that’s the
process, like I mentioned earlier my anxiety from this change continued to
rise, I spent a couple nights crying because I was so stressed and was honestly
hoping when I went to get set-apart that the Spirit would tell Pres. Mecham
that God needed me doing something else besides a mission. While I was being
set apart, I cried, not happy tears, but anxious, am I doing the right thing
tears. When I got home, I began to feel strength seeping into my body and peace
settle in my mind and heart. To be set apart as a missionary for Christ is a
very ennobling experience. I began to be
excited again to start my mission and realized once again how if we put our
faith in God, He will provide a way for us to accomplish all He commands us to
do. 1 Nephi 3:7 says exactly that, “And it came to pass that I, Nephi said unto
my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I
know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he
shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he
commandeth them.” Honestly, I don’t know why I was so worried, I got to the
food pantry and loved it there and couldn’t wait to go back. I am so excited to
serve God’s children for the next 12 months and be able to grow and strengthen
my faith even more. I spent 4 hours at the family history center, 3 of which
was spent helping one woman connect her aunt and her family to her family tree
so she could do the work for them. How grateful I am that I have faith in the
Plan of Salvation and that I know there are many people waiting to step into
Spirit Paradise and out of Spirit Prison. I wasn’t able to go to the temple
this week, due to having bronchitis, but look forward to going next week!
In October’s general conference Elder
Alvarado gave a talk on trials and faith. In it he said: “Ultimately,
everything God invites us and commands us to do is an expression of His love
for us and His desire to give us the blessings reserved for the faithful.” I
believe I can honestly say I am one of His faithful. I chose to come to Earth,
thereby choosing Christ’s plan over Lucifer’s. I chose to be baptized at the age
of 8 and received the Holy Ghost. Throughout my life I ‘ve tried to listen to
the Holy Ghost, sometimes I don’t, but I have faith that I can repent and try
again. I chose to receive my endowments in the temple and make more covenants
with my Heavenly Father. I chose to serve a service mission for my Savior. All
these required faith in my Heavenly Father that if I keep my covenants, He
would keep the promises He made with me. I had to have faith that the Savior
knows me and will help me through this journey called life. I also had to have
faith in myself, that I was and am worthy to receive help from my Father in
Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ.
Love,
Kenzie
