I Surrender

I am going to start with some scriptures to introduce my topic but will be replacing a few words with words that apply more to my situation. 2 Nephi 4:18-23, 26 reads, “I am encompassed about, because of the discouragement and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my pain; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep” (In stake conference Bro. Young talked about how the wilderness is our life and the waters are the tribulations in life). To continue, “He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh. He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me. Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the night-time.” Verse 26 reads, “O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?” In Alma 36:3 it reads, "...for I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day,"

            One phrase that kept coming up as I studied scriptures about trust was, praising God, “What does it mean to praise God?” When Nephi’s brothers tied him up on the boat and storms came and drove them the opposite direction that they should go it says that Nephi “did look unto my God, and I did praise him all the day long.” Ether 6:9 is similar saying, "And they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord.". I don’t think that praising God all day long means that these people were singing “Glory, Glory Hallelujah” all their waking moments, rather I think it means that they had a quiet trust and faith that God was with them and everything will be okay whatever happens.

            In October’s conference of last year, Elder L. Todd Budge gave a talk entitled, Consistent and Resilient Trust. Consistent means occurring continuously over a period of time. Resilient means recoil or spring back into shape after bending, stretching, or compressing, meaning it doesn’t break. His talk is based around the story of the brother of Jared and him and his people’s crossing to the promised land. Some points I got from my reading of it are these, afflictions and sorrow prepare us to experience joy if we will trust in the Lord and His plan for us, we cannot cross the great deep save God prepares a way for us, the only way to make it back to Heaven is through Jesus Christ, we are not in control the only way to make it successfully through life and back to God is by trusting Him, and the wind never ceases to blow us towards God, even during our darkest trials God is guiding us towards our Heavenly home.

            Last fall as I discussed with my doctor what to do next, she gave me 2 options, between a shot and a pill. I felt prompted to choose the shot. So, I did, and things got worse from there. The shot has many side effects, each day I feel like I have the flu because of how achy I get, 3-4 days a week I feel like I’m in a dream and am unsure what is real. Because I got worse, I started researching the treatments and the disease itself and found out how much damage this shot can cause to my body and how it doesn’t actually treat the endometriosis. I found specialists who actually know the ins and outs of this disease that I am in the process of getting appointments with. If I hadn’t trusted God and listened to that prompting to try the shot I wouldn’t have researched and been guided to this option.

             I read something recently about how this lady told God she was going to date this guy, God told her no. So, she didn’t, but as time went on, she was still feeling like she was in a rut and felt prompted to date the guy that God told her no about, she ended up marrying him. She wondered why she got 2 different answers if God is an unchangeable God? She realized that when she got her first answer she could only partially see what was next, but when she got the prompting to date the guy she saw the whole picture and recognized that only God sees the whole picture all the time. If we trust Him, we will be guided to where we need to be. I had a similar experience. At the beginning of January, I felt prompted to take a couple of online classes. So, I signed up and began them. A couple weeks into the semester I felt even worse physically and mentally and knew my body and mind were not up to taking classes, I decided to take another leave of absence and after praying felt peace that it was the right decision. I was confused, like the girl in the story, I’d felt like I had received two different answers and I was questioning my ability to receive revelation. When I read her story, something clicked, and I remembered another bit of inspiration I received when I felt peace about taking the leave of absence.  I had the strong feeling accompanied by the thought that I would not need to take another leave of absence from school. If I had not begun classes I wouldn’t have needed another leave of absence and would not have received that revelation. Again, I never have the whole picture, but I know that Heavenly Father does and everything that happens and every prompting I respond to is guiding me along the path I need to take to return to him someday.

            As most of you know I served as a service missionary for a brief time last fall. When I received that revelation to serve, I was having a little bit of pain, but for the most part I was functioning normally and able to do what needed to be done. I was a missionary for exactly 2 months, but only served at my assignments for 3 weeks. As my health got worse and I was in more and more pain I started praying to know what I should do about my mission. As I was visiting one day with a friend, the thought suddenly came that I had done what God wanted me to do in my mission and to ask to be released. I was terribly confused about why I was called in the first place if I barely served for 3 weeks. When I met with President Mecham he reminded me of Abraham and Isaac’s story. The reason Abraham was asked to sacrifice Isaac and at the last moment commanded to stop, was to test Abraham and see if he would obey God no matter the cost. By serving my mission especially when it wasn’t in my plans to do so, I proved to God that I would do whatever He asked me and by placing my trust in Him and His plan for my life other learning opportunities have presented themselves.

            So, I looked up some synonyms of the word trust, it came up with the words, confidence, assurance, credit, dependence, reliance, faith, and hope. When we trust God, we have confidence that He will help us and that He loves us. In Doctrine and Covenants 82:10 it reads, "I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise". Thus, we have the assurance that if we trust god by obeying His commandments and keeping our covenants, He will do as He has promised. When we give credit to God for the blessings in our lives by showing gratitude, we are putting our trust in God. When we are grateful for the rain that leads to the rainbow, we are trusting that God has better things in store for us. Elder Uchtdorf once said, “Being grateful IN our circumstances is an act of faith in God. True gratitude is an expression of hope and testimony. It comes from acknowledging that we do not always understand the trials of life but trusting that one day we will.”

            Back to the synonyms of trust, next is dependence and reliance. Simply put, we cannot return to Heaven without Christ or our Heavenly Father. When we depend and rely on them completely, we prove we trust them to take us where we need to go. Under faith in the Bible dictionary it says, “To have faith is to have confidence in something or someone”. As said earlier, confidence is another equivalent of trust. In the True to the Faith book it says, “When times of trial come, faith can give you strength to press forward and face your hardships with courage. Even when the future seems uncertain, your faith in the Savior can give you peace.” Under hope in the True to the Faith it states that, “the word hope is sometimes misunderstood. In our everyday language, the word often has a hint of uncertainty such as hoping for a change in the weather or hoping a friend will come visit. In the language of the gospel, however, the word hope is sure, unwavering, and active. Prophets speak of having a firm and lively hope. When we have hope we trust God’s promises.” Do you remember what the definition of consistent and resilient were? Continuously stretching and never breaking in our trust in God. Or in other words, unwavering and active.

I would like to close with the lyrics from the song I Surrender By: Leslie Ludy.

Lord, I know You see this fear in my heart
what my future holds
I feel You softly ask if I can trust You more
and give You control
So I kneel before You now
and I offer everything
Come and be the Lord of all
-All I am or ever hope to be
I surrender, I surrender
to the One who loves me more than life
I surrender, I surrender
here is my heart
I open it wide
To the One who cannot be unfaithful
I now offer You all that I am
I surrender, I surrender
From this day on I´ll be in your hands

I´ve been living for myself
and now I want to live for You alone
Come and help me when I´m weak
And when my path seems so unknown
You´ll be beside me still
I know You want what´s best for me
So when I want to take control
Lord, please, come and help my unbelief

I surrender, I surrender
to the One who loves me more than life
I surrender, I surrender
here is my heart
I open it wide
To the One who cannot be unfaithful
I now offer You all that I am
I surrender, I surrender
From this day on I´ll be in your hands

Love,
Kenzie