For many with anxiety it is hard to control our thoughts and emotions sometimes. So, we try to control everything else around us. I have had this grip on what my future will be like and over and over I am disappointed. I kept wondering why would God allow so many things to get in the way of this amazing future I had planned out. I finally realized something, that is not the future God wants for me and I don't know everything. As mentioned in a previous blogpost, God is the only one who sees and knows all. Only He knows what is in store for me and how my experiences now are preparing me for that.
As health problems seem to continuously plague me, I finally let go of what I wanted and expected and trusted more fully in my Heavenly Father and His plan for me. Usually, when sore trials come upon me, I freak out... a lot. For the first time as tribulation descends on me, I am at peace and surprisingly enough I feel joyful. I've always been taught that if we trust in the Lord we can feel joy regardless of our circumstances. I had always prided myself on being good at trusting the Lord. Until now, I never knew how freeing letting go of my expectations and giving myself to God, could be. I think trusting the Lord can look different for everyone. For me, trusting the Lord meant releasing my grip on what I envisioned my life to be and accepting that it is God that knows best, not me. It is crazy how much pain I had to go through to learn that. It really is true what God told Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail, "All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good" (Doctrine and Covenants 122:7). President Russell M. Nelson has said, "When you know your life if being directed by God, regardless of the challenges and disappointments that may and will come, you will feel joy and peace" (Daily Joy, pg. 328).
My very favorite singers/songwriters, Mat and Savanna Shaw sang a song together that perfectly puts my feelings about my Heavenly Father into words and they do it so beautifully. Here are some lines from the song that encapsulates what I feel as I let God guide me and let go of the idea that I can control what happens in my life. "I'd climb every mountain, swim every ocean. Just to be with you and fix what I've broken. I need you to see, you are the reason."
Please enjoy this song by Mat and Savanna Shaw!
Love,
Kenzie
