Grace

 In the Bible Dictionary under the word grace it says, "The main idea of the word is divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ." The song "Amazing Grace" is a beautiful description of this bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ. The words are thus,

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind but now I see

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

Through many dangers, toils, and snares
I have already come
This grace that brought me safe thus far
And grace will lead me home

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright, shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we first begun

Amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind but now I see

In the grand scheme of things, we are nothing, yet God sees us as His everything. Without Christ's sacrifice we would be lost and blind. When talking of fear, we are often told in the scriptures to fear God. Some people may take that the wrong way and view Him as a hardened king who gives us no choices. However, the way I view fearing God is different. I see fearing Him meaning we revere and worship Him. When we fear God our other fears don't matter so much anymore because we know God knows all and that He is in charge. 

I often struggle to find hope in better things ahead because health problems often get in the way of my participating in life. It is hard to believe that I will get the chance to spread my wings and experience everything I want to. I took another leave of absence this semester halfway through since I missed half of it anyway due to illnesses and other factors. I know it doesn't matter how long it takes me to graduate college, but it is still frustrating to know it will take me one semester longer. For some reason I had it in my head that once I moved to Logan and was working and going to school things would be easy peasy. Who knows where that idea came from, but boy was I wrong. It has been nothing but trial after trial since getting here and I often find myself complaining about how hard things are and wishing things were easy, even for a short time. However, if things were easy, I know I wouldn't appreciate my relationship with my Savior or Father in Heaven as much and I wouldn't know the power of God's grace. As I listened to Mat and Savanna Shaw's version of "Amazing Grace" tonight I started crying. As tears streamed down my face I realized that there would be no point to the Savior's sacrifice and His grace if life wasn't hard. There wouldn't even be a point to life if it was easy all the time. As I dried my tears I was grateful once again for a Savior who sacrificed Himself so He could show me grace even when I complain about my circumstances. I need hard things in my life, do I usually want them, no, but I need them and I need my Savior to be there with me through them cause He knows I wouldn't be where I am today without Him and I never would have gotten through my trials without His strength. 

I know tonight I re-learned why things are hard and why Christ suffered. It was for me and it was for you. It was an all encompassing, yet individual Atonement. He bled for my sins and my pains, my complaints, and my sorrows, my tears and my fears. He died FOR ME so He could extend grace when my burden is too heavy to bear alone. I hope you can all come to know how much the Savior loves each of you and understand the grace he offers you everyday. 

Love,

Kenzie

Here is the link to Mat and Savanna Shaw's version of "Amazing Grace"

https://youtu.be/ihaV8_3AuQ8 

Hope and Joy

 It is so hard in today's fallen world to feel hope and joy. The world is a mess and I often feel like one too. When trials invade our life and block out light and our goals, it is hard to remember that God doesn't want us to be miserable. Dealing with health problems again is rough, moving home again stinks, and feeling stuck again is not what I wanted. I have cried a lot of tears the last few weeks. Tears for lost opportunities, tears of pain, and tears of 'what ifs'. My prayers have not ceased, I continue to ask for hope in a better future, joy, and trust in my Savior. As I read my patriarchal blessing the other day a phrase stuck out to me as a promise from God. It said "I bless you with an abundant life, full of joy and happiness." What a blessing! It reminded me that I will not be stuck in a rut forever, I won't cry forever, and I won't have to wonder if this trial will ever end. I know that God doesn't want us to hurt, but sometimes we do, simply because we are mortal and that's okay, because God will help us through the hurt. 

Something else that helped me find hope and joy was something my mom told me. Health struggles often take away our agency, for me, I can't do much right now because of pain. We came to earth to exercise our agency, if trials sometimes take that away or limit it, that doesn't fulfill God's plan, meaning it won't last eons because we need to be able to make choices. 

Another thing that has sustained me for days now is the videos from last week's Come Follow Me for Individuals and Families. They were about the refiner's fire and trials. I don't remember much about what was said during the videos, but I am still feeling the effects of how they made me feel as we watched them as a family. I have never felt more hope than I have this past week. I have hope in a brighter future, I have hope that I can achieve my goals, and I have hope for anyone else facing similar things. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, even if the tunnel lasts for miles. 

The last thing that has always brought me hope and joy are the songs that Mat and Savanna Shaw sing. Since they began their music careers with "The Prayer" I have been blown away by how much I relate to many of their songs and the Spirit I feel when I listen to their music. Their three most recent pieces have touched my heart in ways I can't even explain. 

I am forever grateful for my Heavenly Parents, my Savior Jesus Christ, and the Comforter. I believe in the power of hope and the peace that power brings. Please don't give up when things get hard, that's when we can become our strongest. I love you all and pray that you may all feel the hope and joy the Savior gives. 

Love, 

Kenzie

Link to Come Follow Me videos: https://abn.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/come-follow-me-for-individuals-and-families-old-testament-2022/11?lang=eng

Link to Mat and Savanna Shaw's song "Dream Big": https://youtu.be/TCh0spUc7Rk

A Choice Spirit Daughter

     Since moving to Logan for school, I have struggled a lot with feeling wanted, comparing myself with others, and finding my place and purpose here. After years of pain, surgeries, and doctor appointments I don't know what my purpose is outside of surviving. I am so thankful to finally be moved out and moving on and though I am still recovering from hip surgery, I'm finally where I want to be location wise. However, I am not sure where I am meant to be in the other aspects of my life. I've felt so lost and confused. Who am I and what am I doing? 

    I'm sure many of us have felt those feelings before and it is some hard stuff to feel. This morning, I woke up feeling tired and emotionally drained and didn't want to go to church. I decided to anyway and some testimonies and the Sunday School lesson spoke to me on a personal level through the Holy Spirit. One of my new friends bore her testimony about taking charge over the thoughts the devil puts in our heads. She spoke of using "I am" statements each day to remember who she is and to knock the devil back to where he belongs. I made the decision to start using "I am" statements whenever I am comparing myself to those around me, comparison is the thief of joy and nobody deserves to be in misery constantly. "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy" (2 Nephi 2:25). Something that was talked about in Sunday School was how we often need to remind ourselves that when we think others are talking poorly of us or judging us by our looks, they are usually doing the same thing we are, which is comparing ourselves. We also need to remember that the only person who's judgements matter are the Lord's and He doesn't judge us by our outward appearance, but what is in the heart. 

    Another way I've always been taught is a way to combat spiritual blues is to serve. A quote by President Gordon B. Hinckley that is usually applied to missionary work, but I believe fits other service as well is, "forget yourself and go to work." Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf once said, "Often, the answer to our prayer does not come while we're on our knees but while we're on our feet serving the Lord and serving those around us."

    Something I did awhile ago as per the advice of someone giving a lesson in the second hour of church was to read your patriarchal blessing and mark every word or phrase God uses to describe you. I read just those words and phrases that were marked today and was reminded again that the only view of ourselves that matters besides our own is our Father in Heaven's because He knows us even better than we know ourselves. The phrase that stuck out the most to me from my blessing is the one that said, "You are a choice spirit daughter of His..." That is the truth that matters the most. I am His and so are you!

    I will hope and pray and serve and I know as I do so, things will get better. I hope and pray that if any of you struggle with things beyond your reach, that you will not give up hope, that you will trust in the Savior, and that you will look outside yourself and serve with all your heart so that things will get better for you too. 

Love,

Kenzie