Since moving to Logan for school, I have struggled a lot with feeling wanted, comparing myself with others, and finding my place and purpose here. After years of pain, surgeries, and doctor appointments I don't know what my purpose is outside of surviving. I am so thankful to finally be moved out and moving on and though I am still recovering from hip surgery, I'm finally where I want to be location wise. However, I am not sure where I am meant to be in the other aspects of my life. I've felt so lost and confused. Who am I and what am I doing?
I'm sure many of us have felt those feelings before and it is some hard stuff to feel. This morning, I woke up feeling tired and emotionally drained and didn't want to go to church. I decided to anyway and some testimonies and the Sunday School lesson spoke to me on a personal level through the Holy Spirit. One of my new friends bore her testimony about taking charge over the thoughts the devil puts in our heads. She spoke of using "I am" statements each day to remember who she is and to knock the devil back to where he belongs. I made the decision to start using "I am" statements whenever I am comparing myself to those around me, comparison is the thief of joy and nobody deserves to be in misery constantly. "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy" (2 Nephi 2:25). Something that was talked about in Sunday School was how we often need to remind ourselves that when we think others are talking poorly of us or judging us by our looks, they are usually doing the same thing we are, which is comparing ourselves. We also need to remember that the only person who's judgements matter are the Lord's and He doesn't judge us by our outward appearance, but what is in the heart.
Another way I've always been taught is a way to combat spiritual blues is to serve. A quote by President Gordon B. Hinckley that is usually applied to missionary work, but I believe fits other service as well is, "forget yourself and go to work." Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf once said, "Often, the answer to our prayer does not come while we're on our knees but while we're on our feet serving the Lord and serving those around us."
Something I did awhile ago as per the advice of someone giving a lesson in the second hour of church was to read your patriarchal blessing and mark every word or phrase God uses to describe you. I read just those words and phrases that were marked today and was reminded again that the only view of ourselves that matters besides our own is our Father in Heaven's because He knows us even better than we know ourselves. The phrase that stuck out the most to me from my blessing is the one that said, "You are a choice spirit daughter of His..." That is the truth that matters the most. I am His and so are you!
I will hope and pray and serve and I know as I do so, things will get better. I hope and pray that if any of you struggle with things beyond your reach, that you will not give up hope, that you will trust in the Savior, and that you will look outside yourself and serve with all your heart so that things will get better for you too.
Love,
Kenzie
