As I've been recovering from surgery I have dealt with a lot of anxiety (mostly from coming off the strong pain meds). I have mainly been worried about my future. I honestly am unsure of how to live life without constant pain and sickness. I also have so many hopes and dreams that for years have desperately pleaded for. When I get anxious like that it is so hard to feel Christ near or feel His spirit. I have wondered over and over again if God really has a plan for me and if He really cares about my hopes and dreams.
One of the gifts I received during recovery was a book by David Butler titled, Redeemer. In it, David expounds upon the names of Christ and how He can be different for each need we may have. For example, when we need forgiveness and a chance to try again, Christ is The Hope of Israel. Anyway, as I was reading chapter four, David is discussing how Christ is with us always. He was with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego in the fiery furnace and He was with Esther as she petitioned the King for the Jews. As in Esther's story, sometimes Christ isn't mentioned directly and we may have a hard time believing He is there. That is when we need to start looking, start seeing Him with us, notice His hand in our lives, and as we do so we will recognize Him everywhere we may go.
What really stuck out to me in this chapter and got me teary-eyed from feeling the truth of it strongly, was that Christ chose us. Christ could have been born in a castle or grand temple, but He chose to be born in a barn. In a stinky, messy, old barn. Why? Because He chose us! He meets us where we are, in our barns, our messes, and our joyful times too.
It was such a comfort reading this. Knowing that Heavenly Father is aware of me because Christ is with me, because He chose me, because They both love me. I am going to be looking even more for the miracles Christ puts into my life, I know they are there, I just have to look for them and Him. Don't give up because you aren't seeing Christ in your life. He doesn't give us everything all the time, we need to do our part and look for Him. It is so worth the search!
Love,
Kenzie
