Oftentimes when we want to improve on something, we ask God for help. It may sound something like this, "God, please help me have more faith" or "Heavenly Father, it is really hard to be patient with people. Please help me have more patience." Do you know what usually comes next? If you guessed a sudden surge in faith or the patience of a saint, you would be wrong. What comes after asking for help in improving something is the opportunity to practice faith, patience, or whatever it is you asked for help with.
I've heard of a practice that includes manifesting everything you want without all the hard stuff that comes before it. I didn't look into it too much, but I thought, how can anyone grow, become stronger, or gain knowledge without experiencing the hard stuff or trials of faith?
I have had 14 surgeries, 1,000 ER visits, and countless blood tests in my 27 years of life. In each of those chapters I so badly wanted to not be in pain, to be able to work, to be able to do things for myself, and to just have the hard thing over with. the only thing that kept me going was faith in Christ. Faith that He knew what I was experiencing down to the smallest detail. I remember breaking down crying many times, as I prayed to God, begging Him to relieve my suffering and if not that, to at least give me peace. It was in those darkest moments that my faith in the Savior grew the most. He would give me a ray of light. Something or someone that gave me enough hope to last until the next ray of light. My faith in the Savior has been built over time. It wasn't just given to me, I didn't just ask for it, I worked for it. I was given opportunities to strengthen and test my faith. I can say without a doubt that Jesus Christ is MY Savior and Redeemer. He knows ME. He loves ME. He walks beside ME. I can also say without a doubt that Jesus Christ is YOUR Savior and Redeemer. He knows YOU. He loves YOU. He walks beside YOU.
God gave each of us the gift of agency and I have chosen to use it to continue to have faith in the Savior and grow my testimony, which is a gift of itself. Elder Kevin G. Brown in October's 2025 general conference said this, "Brothers and sisters, a testimony is not given for temporary use. This gift from our loving Heavenly Father is meant to be eternal because the giver is eternal. A testimony should not have an expiration date. It should not weaken or diminish because something in my life has changed or something in the world has changed. It should get stronger because, like the servant's talents in the parable of the talents, my personal testimony is a gift to be multiplied-not buried." End quote.
I know it is not easy to continue practicing faith or anything else that we ask for help in improving. There have been many times that I have just wanted to stop trying and give up. Life is hard, becoming better than we were is hard, and changing is hard. I used to have a quote by President Holland in vinyl on my wall and it is still one of my favorite quotes that I try to live by. This is from his talk entitled, "An High Priest Of Good Things to Come" from October 1999. It says, "Don't give up. Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead, a lot of it. Trust God and believe in good things to come." End quote.
There is a beautiful song that expresses all this and more. It is by Hilary Weeks and is called "Beautiful Heartbreak".
"I had it all mapped out in front of me
Knew just where I wanted to go
But life decided to change my plans
And I found a mountain in the middle of my road
I knew there was no way to move it
So I searched for a way around
Broken-hearted I started climbing
And at the top I found
Every fear, every doubt, all the pain I went through
Was the price that I paid to see this view
Now that I'm here I would never trade
The grace that I feel and the faith that I find
Through the bittersweet tears and the sleepless nights
I used to pray He'd take it all away
But instead it became
A beautiful heartbreak
I never dreamed my heart would make it
And I thought about turning around
But Heaven has shown me miracles
I never would have seen from the ground
Now I take the rain with the sunshine
Cause there's one thing that I know
He picks up the pieces
Along each broken road
Every fear, every doubt, all the pain I went through
Was the price that I paid to see this view
Now that I'm here I would never trade
The grace that I feel and the faith that I find
Through the bittersweet tears and the sleepless nights
I used to pray He'd take it all away
But instead it became
A beautiful heartbreak"
I hope we can all find our beautiful heartbreak as we continue to put our faith in Jesus Christ.
Love,
Kenzie
