When We Cry

I got wondering last night, if when we are hurting and the only thing God can do is reassure us of His love because He knows we have to go through this to become who we are supposed to become, if maybe as we cry, He cries too, because He knows what we are dealing with is hard, but He also knows it will all be worth it. Maybe He cries with us because our moments of pain, fear, and anguish seem to last an eternity and He knows that. And maybe as Christ steps forward to take the burden from us, God has to put His arm up and stop Him for a little while longer, because we need to learn and grow in faith that our Savior and Heavenly Father allow us to go through trials so we can get to know Them better. And maybe, just maybe, even when we are done crying and the trial has passed, He continues to cry because He is proud of the way we faced our challenges and turned to Him and Christ for succor.

 I know that we go through trials and challenges for a specific purpose, that might not always be apparent as we face it. I know that God does not leave us comfortless, I know that the Savior runs to us when we need help, but sometimes God has to hold Him back until we have become humble enough to turn to Him in good times and in bad times. I know that Heavenly Father loves me and He loves you. I know that the Savior also loves me and you. I love that I can turn to my Father in Heaven no matter what and that I know that He is always listening to me and giving me enough peace and help from the Holy Ghost and the Savior to get me through each trial. I am grateful for the challenges that face me and the ways I have grown spiritually and mentally and also closer to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.


Love,
Kenzie

The Book of Mormon Brings Me Peace

The Book of Mormon has changed my life. Since I was little my family has read The Book of Mormon as a family most nights before going to bed. I always wanted to read the whole book by myself. I did not until ninth grade when we studied it in my religion’s seminary class. As I read and studied it I began to understand principles of my religion better and come to know for myself that what was in The Book of Mormon was true. Since then I have read The Book of Mormon 2-3 more times and my love for it grows every time I read it. It never truly hit me how important it was until junior year of high school when I was put into a mental health hospital because of severe depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder). The first few days in the hospital were really rough, I was in a strange place, with strange people I had never met before, being given different medicines that were messing with my body, and I really did not want to be there. It did not start getting better until my mom brought in a Book of Mormon for me to read. I began reading it every moment of free time I had. I would read it before and after meals, between exercise times, and after phone calls and visiting hour. As I read I was finally awarded some peace. Each time I would pick up and open the Book of Mormon I was granted a measure of peace. It did not take away the pain I was suffering, make my body stop doing weird things, or cure me of my illness. Anxiety and depression are not totally curable after all. But reading and studying The Book of Mormon gave me enough peace and hope to keep fighting against those forces that were striving to bring me down. It gave me a clarity of mind to see my situation as it should be looked at, as a challenge yes, but also as a way to grow and become stronger. It opened my eyes to the truths that bring great comfort to those who seek it and allowed me to become closer to my Savior Jesus Christ.

            The Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ, it says so right on the cover. I can testify that The Book of Mormon truly does bring one closer to Christ. During my stay at the hospital I grew in ways I never believed were possible and most of the ways I grew were spiritual. By growing spiritually, I was also able to grow mentally and strengthen my mind and body against my trials called anxiety and depression. By reading The Book of Mormon every day I was able to draw upon the strength of my Savior, partake of His peace, and find the hope I needed to keep pushing on to one more day. I continue to read The Book of Mormon every day and rely on its power to give me peace.

Love,
Kenzie

The First Vision

When thinking of the first vision we always recognize it as of importance to the church as a whole, but what about as individually? When Joseph Smith was 14 he had many questions about which church was true these questions led to intense pondering and study. One day when reading in James 1:5 he read; "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." He then set aside a time and a place to pray vocally to God. As he began to pray he was overcome with a darkness and was unable to speak, he exerted all his powers to call upon God to deliver him from darkness. As he was about to give up a pillar of light shone from above and two personages cam down. One calling him by name and pointed to the other saying; "This is my Beloved Son Hear Him!" Jesus Christ then proceeded to tell Joseph Smith that none of the church's were true.

While most of us will not see God the Father and His Son in person until we pass on to the next life, we do not have to in order to know they are real. I can not recall an exact moment I came to know for myself that they are real and love me, but I do know that not only do they love me, but they personally know me. Just as Heavenly Father called Joseph Smith by name, He also calls me by name as I receive answers to my prayers. But we can't just pray and expect to receive everything at once, we must show effort on our part just as Joseph Smith did by pondering and studying the scriptures as well as taking tie out of his day to show the Lord he cared about speaking to Him. Without Joseph's example of exercising faith in God that He would answer his prayer, I do not think I would know for myself that this Gospel is true, but I do know it is true! I am so thankful for Joseph Smith and his questions that led to The First Vision and the Restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The first vision is important to me because it allowed me the freedom to ask my questions, receive answers and know that God knows who I am and is always listening and also always provides a way out of temptation and darkness.

I know this gospel is true, I know Joseph Smith saw the God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ. I know that God always provides a safe way out of temptation and that He knows each of us by name and that He is always listening to our prayers and answers us in His timetable. I love this gospel and am so grateful for the first vision and my testimony of it.

Love,
Kenzie

Adversity

How Great Thou Art:
"And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing;
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.

When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"

As I listened to this song tonight I was struck with gratefulness for all God does for me; specifically for sending his Son to suffer and die for us so that we can repent and are not left alone in our trials. This past Sunday our Laurel's lesson was on Adversity and a beautiful video was shared;

https://www.mormonchannel.org/watch/series/mormon-messages/the-will-of-god-2

My heart was full. What amazing words; "I am the gardener here." What an impact this had on me that day. I know that God knows what He is doing, I know that as we trust in Him and have faith in the Savior, even when we are cut down we will be blessed with Their divine and infinite love. How grateful I am that God loved us enough to send His Son to die for us, that He loves us enough to give us the Holy Ghost to comfort us in trying times, and that He loves us enough to never leave us alone. I can testify that when we rely on Jesus Christ we will grow and bloom after we are cut down. It may be a long process, but if we endure to the end we will become beautiful flowers in Heavenly Father's garden. Thank you Annie for sharing this video and for your wonderful lesson!

Love,
Kenzie

The Pursuit of Happiness

       While praying the other night I was overwhelmed with happiness. The happiness had been there for a couple of days, but that night I was overcome by it. That night I was so completely, utterly, fully and purely happy. Nor words can explain how happy I was and that feeling lasted awhile. I was happy because it was Christmas soon, I was happy because I am loved, I was happy because I have an eternal family I get to call my own. I was happy because of the temple so near to me that I've been going to more often. I was extremely happy because I am loved by my family, friends, leaders, my ward and especially by my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. I am so loved! And I love it! I felt this overwhelming joy even in my soul. I felt it in my heart, my mind, and my whole body and soul. I know that the only reason I could feel this limitless happiness is because I know and believe in Jesus Christ. He is the source of true joy. As I was feeling this happiness it seemed as if thoughts from Satan rebounded of the armor of God I wear that was strengthened by this joy in Christ. The anxiety and depression I deal with on a daily basis had no room to breathe and could not penetrate my thoughts or feelings. I felt happy because of all the service I have given this season and the love I have been able to spread.

        This experience was definitely a "celestial moment" (see Jan. 2016 New Era). This experience also reminded me of how much I have to be grateful for and therefore how much I have to be happy about. Soon after I returned from the hospital I read an article by Elder D. Todd Christofferson entitled Look to God Each Day ( https://www.lds.org/new-era/2015/04/look-to-god-each-day?lang=eng ). In it he talks about the Tribes of Israel who wandered the wilderness for forty days, and each new day they were given manna from Christ, but only enough for that day. He tells us how we are alike; that each day Jesus gives us enough spiritual sustenance to get us through each passing day. This teaches us to have faith and trust in the Savior that the next day He will give us more manna to allow us to continue on. Since reading that article I have looked for manna in my personal life. Something that made that day great, it can be big or small. Often times that manna is taken for granted and properly thanked for. By seeking out manna in my own life it has caused me to be more grateful for the small things that make a world of a difference to me that day. In Alma 37:6 it read; "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass."

        For me, seeking out at least one thing to be particularly grateful for that day has opened up my eyes to see the hand of God in my everyday life. It has also opened up my heart to the true joy of the Savior. In the most recent General Conference Elder Russell M. Nelson spoke about joy. He said; "When the focus of our lives is on Jesus Christ and His gospel, we can feel joy regardless of what is happening-- or not happening-- in our lives." As I daily feast on the words of the Savior (or manna) I am able to draw nearer to and get to know better my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and I get to know true joy, which is only possible by focusing on God's Plan of Salvation.( https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/joy-and-spiritual-survival?lang=eng )

    I know that by partaking of our manna each day and trusting that the Savior will send more tomorrow we take up His invitation to have light in our life and can know and have true joy in everyday.



Love,
Kenzie

       
     

Girl's camp 2016

When I was asked to speak on girl's camp next Sunday, I realized I hadn't done a blog post on it. So here we go. Our camp theme was from the Wizard of Oz specifically something Glinda said. " You had the power all along my dear, you just had to find it yourself." In many ways I think this applies to the gospel. Here we are on Earth, sons and daughters of a Heavenly Father who loves us and is just a prayer away. Yet sometimes He is quiet, there, but quiet, as we have to figure out things on our own. But truthfully we aren't ever alone. Just like Dorothy had toto, the scarecrow, the tinman, and the lion. We also have friends who stick with us through thick and thin. Dorothy also had the knowledge that her aunt and uncle back in Kansas were looking everywhere for her and loved her dearly. We have a Heavenly Father who is desperate for us to make it back to Him who's love knows no boundaries. And even when we feel alone, we simply have to pray, and the Holy Ghost will be with us, Christ will give us a hug, and God will bless us with His kindness and love, and we will know that we are never truly alone.

In order to find it for ourselves we need a few things, we must have knowledge of our Heavenly Father's plan for us and of the Savior's gospel, we must have love for God and our fellow man and also trust in God's love for us, we need courage; we are going to face some lions, tigers, and bears out there and need strength from God to face those trials, we also need hope; which is given to us by our Savior through His Atonement, we need faith that God knows what He is doing, and last of all we need to endure to the end. Throughout camp each of these points was talked about and related to our day. At the end of one girl's devotional on love my young women's president turned to me and looked at me expectantly, I immediately knew I needed to share my testimony, I opened my mouth and words just flowed out. I bore my testimony on my Heavenly Father's and Jesus Christ's love for me and how this knowledge is the greatest knowledge we can have. I can truly testify that Heavenly Father loves me and you so much, no words can describe how much He cares for us, I mean He sent His Son to die for us, if that isn't proof enough of how much He loves us, seriously it doesn't get any better than that. I also know that my Savior loves me with a love as deep as God's. I am so thankful that I have found this out for myself and have this knowledge with me forever. This moment at girl's camp is probably what stood out the most to me, that and hugging and crying with my sweet Julia.

Now we of course had lots of fun at girl's camp too, between the crazy water fight, the beautiful hike, the skits. The Spirit was felt throughout the whole week, it was a very welcome peace that was definitely needed to make camp great! This year was amazing and it's sad to think that might be my last girl's camp as a young woman. It was really weird being the oldest there and being in charge. It was of course great being a tent mom! I had the greatest little monsters out there! I love you girls so much. I have the most amazing ward and young women out there. I want to say thank you to them for loving me, I love you all so much, thanks for making girl's camp the best! I love this gospel, my family, my friends, and I love my Heavenly Father and Savior so much!

 Here's a few pics from camp...

Love,

Kenzie

My journey of faith

These past 6 months have been a journey, if there ever was one. Being checked into a mental hospital was never on my list of things to do. But God works in mysterious ways and work He did. When dealing with depression and anxiety, you feel very on edge and ready to do everything and more, but depression counteracts that and makes you feel very un-motivated and you feel like doing nothing. With depression can also come self-harm or suicidal thoughts. These are not something to be taken lightly. My depression became so bad, I was physically ill because of it. I was admitted into a mental hospital late January/beginning February. When I learned that going there would be the best help to me and that I would only see my family for an hour each night, I bawled. My family is my biggest support system, I didn't think I could do it being apart from them like like. By God's tender care I was able to make it through.

 During my stay at the hospital, I had no church, but I did get a Book of Mormon half way through my stay. The atmosphere at the hospital was unlike anything I'd ever been around before. Most of the kids came from rough backgrounds, nothing like what I was used to. They swore and talked about drugs and such constantly. Normally I can block these  things out, but having to live with it was almost too much for me. So I began reading the Book of Mormon, I was astounded how much I could feel the Spirit amidst so much junk. Reading the Book of Mormon and feeling of that sweet Spirit is truly what got me through those dark days. Coming home after a week and a half stay there, was good and bad. Mostly good. (My thoughts are scattered so bear with me.)

My family is my everything, my parents came every single night to visit with me, my grandma called me everyday, much love was sent from my siblings through the phone or my parents. I love my family so much! They are the strongest, most caring, most loving people you will ever meet. I am so glad that I have such a strong support system in my family, they are always there for me no matter what and are always quick to give me their love. My second family was amazing as well. I have the best ward family anyone could ask for, they were constantly helping, praying, and loving me and my family. I love my ward! My friends are the best friends anyone could ask for, my friends held a fast for me. I'm crying right now just thinking about it and how blessed I am with angels for family and friends. But, the one person who never left my side was my Savior Jesus Christ. He knows exactly what I went through and what I continue to go through and He knows how to give me what I need to keep going when I need it. He doesn't just know how to help me, He does help me. My Savior suffered every imaginable thing just so I don't have to suffer alone. How grateful I am for His sacrifice in my behalf. My testimony of the Savior has grown so much in the past 6 months that I often I am overcome by the Spirit and the reality of it all. As I look back on what I've dealt with the last few months I am simply grateful, grateful that I have a loving Father in Heaven and Redeemer that care about me enough to not leave me comfortless. I'm grateful for my family, who are also by my side through everything. I am grateful for my ward who have supported me and my family through our trials. I am thankful for my testimony of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon and the gospel of Jesus Christ and for my faith in the Savior and the power of His Atonement. I am also grateful for how much I have been strengthened because of my trials and wouldn't change what I've learned and how much I've grown for the world. I love my family, my ward, my friends, and my Savior more than words can express. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus Christ is real, He lives, and He is aware of our individual needs. I love a quote by Elder Holland that basically sums up my life "Don't you quit. Don't you give up. You keep walking, you keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead, a lot of it. Trust God and believe in good things to come."

Love,
Kenzie