The Reality of Revelation

As many of you know I have been down for eight weeks with a couple different things that are causing an enormous amount of extreme pain, so much so that I can barely move when in the most intense pain. We always hear that trials are blessings in disguise, we can only grow from trials, and so forth. Well a few weeks in it still didn't seem like I was getting better and I even thought I might have been getting worse. I wondered to myself how on earth I was being blessed by this and when was it going to end? I kept up the faith and vigilantly wrote in my journal each night five things I was grateful for (a habit I've been at for years-thanks to my Mom). And each day I was surprised by the things God did for me that day and the good experiences I did have even while in pain. For one thing, I was grateful that the problems were not from my appendix. I was grateful for the kind thoughts and visits from friends. I was grateful often times for being able to get through the pain that day. In so many ways was God blessing me to recognize that even when we are at our lowest He and the Savior are there for me. That doesn't really strike home until I'm praying and I either receive peace to know I can keep going or revelation that things will be taken care of soon. One night while praying for patience to keep plugging along (because let's be honest my patience is completely gone after 8 weeks of excruciating pain) a thought came to mind that if I can just make it to this week when I was getting another test done and had a doctor's appointment (which we ended up canceling because they wouldn't have been able to help me like the other doctor's I have appointments with) that if I could make it till this week I would receive answers to what's been going on. I don't know how fast I will heal (if what I have is curable), I don't know when I will be able to get back to work, or even if I will be able to start school at the end of the month and go full time like I've scheduled. God didn't give me the answers to all my questions, but He gave me enough to keep me going for a time longer. To say not having all the answers scares me is an understatement, but I am praying with all my heart that God will help me keep having faith in His plan and in His timing, because I don't have anything else to go off of here, I am choosing to put all my faith in every single prayer I utter that God will guide me and I'm putting every ounce of faith in my Savior, because He is the only one who understands the exact pain I'm going through and is the only one who can get me through this. I came across a quote today that said "You can worry or you can trust God, you can't do both." So I am choosing to trust God today, tomorrow, and every day.

Love,
Kenzie

When the Veil is Parted or Thin

"I remind you that it is a veil, not a wall, that separates us from the spirit world." (Boyd K. Packer, April 1987). During institute this week we discussed the Brother of Jared and how the veil was taken from his eyes and He saw first the finger of the Savior and then the body of the Savior. We talked about how even now the veil is parted or becomes thin at certain times in our lives. One way that it may be thin is when we seem to see others differently. I had an experience just the other day that allowed me to feel of some of God's love for a neighbor. I had just gotten back from taking a neighbor some treats as I entered my room I felt overwhelming love for this lady and realized I had felt the same as we visited with her. I also came to realize the next day at institute that at that time the veil had been thin, and I had felt some of God's love for this lady and cared for her even more than I did previously to this visit. I also knew that even though the love I felt for her was overwhelming, that it was only a part of what God feels for her and for each of us.

Another experience I had this week wherein the veil was thin was when I was at the temple being confirmed for some of my ancestors. As the priesthood brethren laid their hands on my head and began confirming me for the deceased I felt as if the only people in the room were myself and those I was being confirmed for. What an amazing experience to know that I can be a part of the amazing work of allowing my ancestors the blessings that I have today. I am so glad that I have enough faith in miracles to allow me these sacred experiences on a daily basis.

I love going to the temple each week and doing work that allows my ancestors to become more Christ-like. I love being able to know that many of my ancestors I have done work for have accepted those ordinances and are now part of Christ's fold.


Love,
Kenzie

When We Cry

I got wondering last night, if when we are hurting and the only thing God can do is reassure us of His love because He knows we have to go through this to become who we are supposed to become, if maybe as we cry, He cries too, because He knows what we are dealing with is hard, but He also knows it will all be worth it. Maybe He cries with us because our moments of pain, fear, and anguish seem to last an eternity and He knows that. And maybe as Christ steps forward to take the burden from us, God has to put His arm up and stop Him for a little while longer, because we need to learn and grow in faith that our Savior and Heavenly Father allow us to go through trials so we can get to know Them better. And maybe, just maybe, even when we are done crying and the trial has passed, He continues to cry because He is proud of the way we faced our challenges and turned to Him and Christ for succor.

 I know that we go through trials and challenges for a specific purpose, that might not always be apparent as we face it. I know that God does not leave us comfortless, I know that the Savior runs to us when we need help, but sometimes God has to hold Him back until we have become humble enough to turn to Him in good times and in bad times. I know that Heavenly Father loves me and He loves you. I know that the Savior also loves me and you. I love that I can turn to my Father in Heaven no matter what and that I know that He is always listening to me and giving me enough peace and help from the Holy Ghost and the Savior to get me through each trial. I am grateful for the challenges that face me and the ways I have grown spiritually and mentally and also closer to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.


Love,
Kenzie

The Book of Mormon Brings Me Peace

The Book of Mormon has changed my life. Since I was little my family has read The Book of Mormon as a family most nights before going to bed. I always wanted to read the whole book by myself. I did not until ninth grade when we studied it in my religion’s seminary class. As I read and studied it I began to understand principles of my religion better and come to know for myself that what was in The Book of Mormon was true. Since then I have read The Book of Mormon 2-3 more times and my love for it grows every time I read it. It never truly hit me how important it was until junior year of high school when I was put into a mental health hospital because of severe depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder). The first few days in the hospital were really rough, I was in a strange place, with strange people I had never met before, being given different medicines that were messing with my body, and I really did not want to be there. It did not start getting better until my mom brought in a Book of Mormon for me to read. I began reading it every moment of free time I had. I would read it before and after meals, between exercise times, and after phone calls and visiting hour. As I read I was finally awarded some peace. Each time I would pick up and open the Book of Mormon I was granted a measure of peace. It did not take away the pain I was suffering, make my body stop doing weird things, or cure me of my illness. Anxiety and depression are not totally curable after all. But reading and studying The Book of Mormon gave me enough peace and hope to keep fighting against those forces that were striving to bring me down. It gave me a clarity of mind to see my situation as it should be looked at, as a challenge yes, but also as a way to grow and become stronger. It opened my eyes to the truths that bring great comfort to those who seek it and allowed me to become closer to my Savior Jesus Christ.

            The Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ, it says so right on the cover. I can testify that The Book of Mormon truly does bring one closer to Christ. During my stay at the hospital I grew in ways I never believed were possible and most of the ways I grew were spiritual. By growing spiritually, I was also able to grow mentally and strengthen my mind and body against my trials called anxiety and depression. By reading The Book of Mormon every day I was able to draw upon the strength of my Savior, partake of His peace, and find the hope I needed to keep pushing on to one more day. I continue to read The Book of Mormon every day and rely on its power to give me peace.

Love,
Kenzie

The First Vision

When thinking of the first vision we always recognize it as of importance to the church as a whole, but what about as individually? When Joseph Smith was 14 he had many questions about which church was true these questions led to intense pondering and study. One day when reading in James 1:5 he read; "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." He then set aside a time and a place to pray vocally to God. As he began to pray he was overcome with a darkness and was unable to speak, he exerted all his powers to call upon God to deliver him from darkness. As he was about to give up a pillar of light shone from above and two personages cam down. One calling him by name and pointed to the other saying; "This is my Beloved Son Hear Him!" Jesus Christ then proceeded to tell Joseph Smith that none of the church's were true.

While most of us will not see God the Father and His Son in person until we pass on to the next life, we do not have to in order to know they are real. I can not recall an exact moment I came to know for myself that they are real and love me, but I do know that not only do they love me, but they personally know me. Just as Heavenly Father called Joseph Smith by name, He also calls me by name as I receive answers to my prayers. But we can't just pray and expect to receive everything at once, we must show effort on our part just as Joseph Smith did by pondering and studying the scriptures as well as taking tie out of his day to show the Lord he cared about speaking to Him. Without Joseph's example of exercising faith in God that He would answer his prayer, I do not think I would know for myself that this Gospel is true, but I do know it is true! I am so thankful for Joseph Smith and his questions that led to The First Vision and the Restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The first vision is important to me because it allowed me the freedom to ask my questions, receive answers and know that God knows who I am and is always listening and also always provides a way out of temptation and darkness.

I know this gospel is true, I know Joseph Smith saw the God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ. I know that God always provides a safe way out of temptation and that He knows each of us by name and that He is always listening to our prayers and answers us in His timetable. I love this gospel and am so grateful for the first vision and my testimony of it.

Love,
Kenzie

Adversity

How Great Thou Art:
"And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing;
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.

When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"

As I listened to this song tonight I was struck with gratefulness for all God does for me; specifically for sending his Son to suffer and die for us so that we can repent and are not left alone in our trials. This past Sunday our Laurel's lesson was on Adversity and a beautiful video was shared;

https://www.mormonchannel.org/watch/series/mormon-messages/the-will-of-god-2

My heart was full. What amazing words; "I am the gardener here." What an impact this had on me that day. I know that God knows what He is doing, I know that as we trust in Him and have faith in the Savior, even when we are cut down we will be blessed with Their divine and infinite love. How grateful I am that God loved us enough to send His Son to die for us, that He loves us enough to give us the Holy Ghost to comfort us in trying times, and that He loves us enough to never leave us alone. I can testify that when we rely on Jesus Christ we will grow and bloom after we are cut down. It may be a long process, but if we endure to the end we will become beautiful flowers in Heavenly Father's garden. Thank you Annie for sharing this video and for your wonderful lesson!

Love,
Kenzie

The Pursuit of Happiness

       While praying the other night I was overwhelmed with happiness. The happiness had been there for a couple of days, but that night I was overcome by it. That night I was so completely, utterly, fully and purely happy. Nor words can explain how happy I was and that feeling lasted awhile. I was happy because it was Christmas soon, I was happy because I am loved, I was happy because I have an eternal family I get to call my own. I was happy because of the temple so near to me that I've been going to more often. I was extremely happy because I am loved by my family, friends, leaders, my ward and especially by my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. I am so loved! And I love it! I felt this overwhelming joy even in my soul. I felt it in my heart, my mind, and my whole body and soul. I know that the only reason I could feel this limitless happiness is because I know and believe in Jesus Christ. He is the source of true joy. As I was feeling this happiness it seemed as if thoughts from Satan rebounded of the armor of God I wear that was strengthened by this joy in Christ. The anxiety and depression I deal with on a daily basis had no room to breathe and could not penetrate my thoughts or feelings. I felt happy because of all the service I have given this season and the love I have been able to spread.

        This experience was definitely a "celestial moment" (see Jan. 2016 New Era). This experience also reminded me of how much I have to be grateful for and therefore how much I have to be happy about. Soon after I returned from the hospital I read an article by Elder D. Todd Christofferson entitled Look to God Each Day ( https://www.lds.org/new-era/2015/04/look-to-god-each-day?lang=eng ). In it he talks about the Tribes of Israel who wandered the wilderness for forty days, and each new day they were given manna from Christ, but only enough for that day. He tells us how we are alike; that each day Jesus gives us enough spiritual sustenance to get us through each passing day. This teaches us to have faith and trust in the Savior that the next day He will give us more manna to allow us to continue on. Since reading that article I have looked for manna in my personal life. Something that made that day great, it can be big or small. Often times that manna is taken for granted and properly thanked for. By seeking out manna in my own life it has caused me to be more grateful for the small things that make a world of a difference to me that day. In Alma 37:6 it read; "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass."

        For me, seeking out at least one thing to be particularly grateful for that day has opened up my eyes to see the hand of God in my everyday life. It has also opened up my heart to the true joy of the Savior. In the most recent General Conference Elder Russell M. Nelson spoke about joy. He said; "When the focus of our lives is on Jesus Christ and His gospel, we can feel joy regardless of what is happening-- or not happening-- in our lives." As I daily feast on the words of the Savior (or manna) I am able to draw nearer to and get to know better my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and I get to know true joy, which is only possible by focusing on God's Plan of Salvation.( https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/joy-and-spiritual-survival?lang=eng )

    I know that by partaking of our manna each day and trusting that the Savior will send more tomorrow we take up His invitation to have light in our life and can know and have true joy in everyday.



Love,
Kenzie