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Monday, June 20, 2016

My journey of faith

These past 6 months have been a journey, if there ever was one. Being checked into a mental hospital was never on my list of things to do. But God works in mysterious ways and work He did. When dealing with depression and anxiety, you feel very on edge and ready to do everything and more, but depression counteracts that and makes you feel very un-motivated and you feel like doing nothing. With depression can also come self-harm or suicidal thoughts. These are not something to be taken lightly. My depression became so bad, I was physically ill because of it. I was admitted into a mental hospital late January/beginning February. When I learned that going there would be the best help to me and that I would only see my family for an hour each night, I bawled. My family is my biggest support system, I didn't think I could do it being apart from them like like. By God's tender care I was able to make it through.

 During my stay at the hospital, I had no church, but I did get a Book of Mormon half way through my stay. The atmosphere at the hospital was unlike anything I'd ever been around before. Most of the kids came from rough backgrounds, nothing like what I was used to. They swore and talked about drugs and such constantly. Normally I can block these  things out, but having to live with it was almost too much for me. So I began reading the Book of Mormon, I was astounded how much I could feel the Spirit amidst so much junk. Reading the Book of Mormon and feeling of that sweet Spirit is truly what got me through those dark days. Coming home after a week and a half stay there, was good and bad. Mostly good. (My thoughts are scattered so bear with me.)

My family is my everything, my parents came every single night to visit with me, my grandma called me everyday, much love was sent from my siblings through the phone or my parents. I love my family so much! They are the strongest, most caring, most loving people you will ever meet. I am so glad that I have such a strong support system in my family, they are always there for me no matter what and are always quick to give me their love. My second family was amazing as well. I have the best ward family anyone could ask for, they were constantly helping, praying, and loving me and my family. I love my ward! My friends are the best friends anyone could ask for, my friends held a fast for me. I'm crying right now just thinking about it and how blessed I am with angels for family and friends. But, the one person who never left my side was my Savior Jesus Christ. He knows exactly what I went through and what I continue to go through and He knows how to give me what I need to keep going when I need it. He doesn't just know how to help me, He does help me. My Savior suffered every imaginable thing just so I don't have to suffer alone. How grateful I am for His sacrifice in my behalf. My testimony of the Savior has grown so much in the past 6 months that I often I am overcome by the Spirit and the reality of it all. As I look back on what I've dealt with the last few months I am simply grateful, grateful that I have a loving Father in Heaven and Redeemer that care about me enough to not leave me comfortless. I'm grateful for my family, who are also by my side through everything. I am grateful for my ward who have supported me and my family through our trials. I am thankful for my testimony of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon and the gospel of Jesus Christ and for my faith in the Savior and the power of His Atonement. I am also grateful for how much I have been strengthened because of my trials and wouldn't change what I've learned and how much I've grown for the world. I love my family, my ward, my friends, and my Savior more than words can express. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus Christ is real, He lives, and He is aware of our individual needs. I love a quote by Elder Holland that basically sums up my life "Don't you quit. Don't you give up. You keep walking, you keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead, a lot of it. Trust God and believe in good things to come."

Love,
Kenzie

Thursday, March 31, 2016

A friend in Christ

With Easter just recently passed, I wanted to take a moment and think about Jesus Christ and His Atonement. As I have gone through some trials lately I've learned how to draw upon the power and strength that Christ has to offer because of His Atonement. I've learned to turn everything over to Him and allow Him to succor me in my afflictions. I've learned that relief doesn't always come, but instead courage comes to allow me to keep on truckin'. I've learned that not only do Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love me no matter my flaws; they love me with a pure, eternal love that doesn't come from earning it; it comes because I am a daughter of a Heavenly King, who loves me so much, He sent His Only Begotten Son to bleed and die for me and then The Savior rose again, so that I can live with my Father in Heaven again.

In Alma 34 it teaches that we are all hardened, fallen, and utterly lost without the Atonement of Jesus Christ. How true that is! I know that without the Atonement of Jesus Christ, without prayer, without the temple, without the scriptures, and without the Holy Ghost; I would not have had the strength or the courage to keep walking on this path of life. I have learned more about not only my emotional and mental self, but my spiritual self as well in these past few months then I have in awhile. I become so overcome with the Spirit it astounds me! I have become more susceptible to the Spirit through my trials, it seems crazy; but I promise that the Spirit has been with me more (that I've noticed) in the past few months than ever before. I know the reason behind this is because Christ is at constant work in my life, He is always finding small and big ways to give me a leg up when I can't quite reach the next step. He is my brother, my Savior, my Redeemer, my counselor, and most of all; my friend. I know He lives!


Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Merry Christmas!

Christ, think on Him for a moment this week. He is not only the reason for the season, but the reason for life! He was born into this life the same as all of us. But His parentage was unlike ours. He had a mortal mother and immortal Father in Heaven. He was born a King. But He wasnt just any ordinary king. He was and still is the King of all the worlds. He began teaching God's word when He was just a child. A child of God, just like us. But oh the sacrifices He made so that we can return to Heaven. Jesus Christ had to be mortal so that He could suffer and die for us. Then three days later He rose from the grave , whole, immortal,  and forever perfect. Because of Him we can live again! We can recieve immortality and eternal life. This is God's whole purpose for everything we go through. "For behold, this is my work and my glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." (Moses 1:39)

Christ was born in poor circumstances. " And she brought forth her first born son, and laid him in a manager; because there was no room for them in the inn." (Luke 2:7) Though no one made room for Jesus, He has room in His heart for each and everyone of us.God chose Christ to come to this earth because He knew that Christ would have always have room for us. As we celebrate the Christ, who came to this earth first as a babe, may we truly ponder how much room in our life we have given to Jesus.

I love the Savior so much! And I am so very grateful for this Christmas season, to ponder on the impact He has in my life and how so very often I see His hand in my life. I am thankful for the Atonement, for the privlege I have of repenting,  for the strength He gives me so I can endure my trials and face temptations.  And I am most grateful for the opportunity I have been given to get to know my Savior. I wish you all a Merry Christmas and pray you may all be blessed with safety and with the Spirit and love of our Lord and King!
https://www.mormon.org/christmas

Love,
Kenzie











Tuesday, November 10, 2015

I love tough things!

As many of you probably know, I have anxiety and depression. Awhile ago I was asked to give a talk in church. I was debating whether or not I should or rather could give it, because I get really worked up about being in front of people, by myself. As I sat in Sunday School praying about it, pondering if I should talk to my Young Women's president about finding someone else to do it. I received a very strong impression that I could and should give the talk, along with a motto my cousin sent me from her mission in Florida. "I love tough things. I am first to do tough things. I do tough things first." I instantly knew that I would give the talk, and that the Lord would help me do it. Come the day of the talk I was super-duper nervous and felt under-prepared. I kept praying all morning for the strength and peace I needed to give my talk. At the beginning of sacrament meeting I felt prompted to begin with something funny, to kind of break the ice for me and the audience. I listened to that prompting and got quite a few laughs and a a head shake from my Dad :). The rest of the talk went well, and I know that the only reason it did was because of my faith in Christ and Heavenly Father's power and love for me. My cousin  also shared this quote with me which is like my new motto and I love it so much! "Don't give up, Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead...You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and Believe in good things to come." -Jeffrey R. Holland

I know this church is true, and that Pres. Monson is the living prophet of God on the Earth today. I am so grateful for the Spirit and the many promptings, answers, and feelings of peace I have received. I am thankful for all of you and your example and love for me. I love this gospel so much! I hope you all have an amazing week!





Love,
Kenzie

Sunday, November 1, 2015

October 2015 General Conference

It has been such a long time since I posted on here. I promise I will do better! Anyway, I just wanted to share some quotes and feelings that I got or wrote down from General Conference.

First of all my favorite talks were probably Pres. Uchtdorf's from Women's Conference, Elder Hales' from the Saturday afternoon session, and Elder Oaks' also from the Saturday afternoon session.

I will start with Pres. Uchtdorf's. What really stuck out to me (besides the stalker cat) was what it takes to be happy and how to be happy. It takes three things; faith, hope, and love. At the end of the story of Great Aunt Rose, she tells Eva how she turned her life around, from being miserable to being an all around happy person. She said she discovered faith and faith led to hope. Later on she said that everything in the gospel led to love. And when you had love for God , you had love for all of His children and wanted to serve them. Eva then asks; "And is that what makes us happy?" Great Aunt Rose then responds with tear-filled eyes; "Yes, my dear. That is what makes us happy." This whole story really touched me. I often find myself unhappy because I let my anxiety and depression get the better of me. Now I know what can make me happy, and boy does it.

Elder Hales' talk was entitled Meeting the Challenges of  Today's World. Elder Hale begins by stating that the members of the church have been blessed by the gospel plan, we have a guide to lead us around the storms of life. He told us we are the pilots of our choices. We are given a question to ask when we aren't sure which way to fly. "If I make this choice, what is the worst thing that can happen?" He reminds us that if we pray for guidance and listen to the Spirit, we will make righteous choices, which will keep us from flying into the storm. Another important thing to remember from his talk is; "If you want more than you now have, reach up, not across." This struck home with me, as I often am not sure whether the Spirit or my anxiety is talking. Another thing I learned on how to go the right direction is "never suppress a generous thought"(sister Camilla Spencer), I learned that from EFY.

Elder Oaks' talk was on the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The main message I got from his talk was this. "The Savior has the power to succor-to help- every mortal pain and affliction. Sometimes His power heals an infirmity, but sometimes He helps us by giving us strength or patience to endure our infirmities." Later in his talk he tell us that the righteous have many affliction, but they are nothing that the Lord can't help us with. He also said that "Christ has descended beneath it all, so He is in the perfect position to lift us, we only have to ask."  I really loved this talk so much! I can't even begin to comprehend what Christ went through. The only pain I will ever have to feel/ endure is my own. Christ felt every-ones. What an amazing elder brother we have, to do that for us. Not only did He feel it, but He can help us through it also. Awhile ago in Sunday School when we were talking about this. One of my classmates asked; "if Christ felt all our sadness and infirmities, did He also feel all of our joy?" It really makes you think, whether He did or not. I hope after all of what He endured, He felt joy that it would all work out and everything He just felt, was leading up to something happy, so why wouldn't He have felt the happiness of us all afterwards? There's a quote that goes like this; "An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it's going to launch you into something great." This is just what I think and wonder.

I loved General Conference so much and am so grateful for the living prophet, seers, and revelators. I know that Thomas S. Monson has been called of God and is His mouthpiece. I know that Christ loves us and wants us to return to live with our Father in Heaven again someday, I know that we can do so by being obedient to God's commands, repenting of our wrongdoings and enduring to the end. I know that  Christ can help us endure to the end if we only put our trust in Him and ask for His help through prayer.

Here's the link to the conference talks, I encourage you all to read, watch, or listen to them if you haven't, or read, watch, or listen to them again, if you have already. I love you all, but more importantly God loves you! Have a great week!
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/sessions?cid=HP14GC&lang=eng





Monday, August 24, 2015

EFY

Sorry this is so late, but I had to share my amazing experiences from EFY. So here it goes.

Monday: After everyone got checked in (I switched groups so I could be with my awesome cousin), we met with our groups first then with our companies. I'm sure everyone says this, but I had the best company ever, and the best counselors anyone could ask for! Our company name was given to us from the scripture Joshua 1:9 which reads; "Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thous goest." A Season for Courage was our company name. It made me realize, that more than ever, now is the time to have courage to stand up for what is right and truly take upon ourselves Christ's name.
         That night we were introduced to our session directors, Bro. and Sis. Sweat. Yes, they perspire a lot, and we were cool with that.;) jk. Anyway, we had a huge Family Home Evening that night and Bro. Sweat gave the lesson. It was on the EFY theme "Here Am I" from 1 Samuel 3:4. Here's a few things that really stuck out to me. First "Here Am I" means "what would you have me do?" and second 10 promised blessings we get for answering God with "Here Am I" and doing what He asks of us;

  1.  Holy Spirit
  2. peace
  3. freedom
  4. joy
  5. confidence
  6. love
  7. forgiveness
  8. light and truth
  9. strength
  10. eternal life

       After FHE was goal setting. Our company came up with two spiritual goals and two social goals to reach during EFY that week. Our spiritual goals were; to share our testimony in some way once a day and to go to the temple early Wednesday morning. Our social goals were; to have a different escort each time we went somewhere and to write five compliments on sticky notes to five different people everyday. That and the temple goal were my favorites. It was really cool to be able to get to know my company members throughout the week, and see so many different people come together in Christ and lift each other up and become friends.
         At the end of everyday we participated in gospel study, it was personal, but then we gathered with our group and shared what we learned in our studies. This was definitely my favorite part of everyday. It strengthened my testimony in ways that I wouldn't have thought possible, I got to know my Savior better, and I was able to share experiences with the other girls in my group and relate to their experiences.

Tuesday: To start out each day we had a morning side by our session director, Bro. Sweat. The topic for that morning was personal revelation. Some things that stuck out to me was that; the spirit always is present with personal revelation and that the Spirit speaks to us in our mind and in our heart (D&C 8:2). This quote was shared regarding our mind; "Never suppress a generous thought." -Camilla Eyring Kimball. I love this quote so much! It reminds us that even if you don't know if it's from the Spirit, but it it good, do it, because all good things come from God. This quote was shared regarding our heart; "If it makes you feel uneasy, don't do it!" -Pres. Boyd K. Packer.
      The rest of the day was filled with classes. The first one was on "Recognizing the Spirit" by Dustin Bennion. During his lesson he told us that we need to make listening to the Spirit our first priority. Later on he said something that I love, he said; "When you don't give up, you CAN'T fail." In my next class that was titled "If Bad Guys Blogged..." by Alissa Smith another awesome quote was shared. "The Book of Mormon exposes the enemies of Christ". So, if you want to know the difference between bad and good, read the Book of Mormon! My next class was titled " The Real You" by Dustin Bennion. These are the things I wrote down. " You failed because you are trying to be something you're not." "You are more beautiful than you think." and "If ever a time to have faith, that time would be now." It really reminded me to be myself and trust in God. My last class of the day was taught by Alissa Smith and was titled "Embark Weekly" in that class I learned that to examine means to become better or recognize your sin.
       Tuesday was also the first dance, which was way fun!
        Gospel Study that night was centered around the Savior and what He does for us. Jesus Christ is my eldest brother, my confidant, my Savior, my best friend, my Redeemer, my hope, my Creator, my Rock, but most of all He is my All! He is the light and the hope of the world. I'm so grateful for Jesus Christ, His sacrifice, His example, His life, and His love. There is no one else I can trust more than Christ.

Wednesday: At 4:30 in the morning I was up and headed to the Twin Falls Idaho Temple, to do baptisms for the dead with my company, it was way fun and a great was to start the day right. The morning side for Wednesday was on the strengthening power of Christ, again by Bro. Sweat. I learned that there are three types of divine strength from Christ.

  1. strength to faithfully endure trials and challenges
  2.  strength to overcome sin and temptation
  3.  strength to preform work beyond our normal capacities

And here's an awesome quote by an unknown person; "The Atonement not only mends broken branches, it also strengthens roots." I think this is a good reminder that the Atonement doesn't just allow us to repent and be forgiven, it also helps us to become better and stronger in Christ.
        My first class that day was titled "Knowing Who You Are" by Dustin Bennion. I wrote down some good reminders that Bro. Bennion mentioned in his lesson.

  • God loves me with an infinite love.
  •  Part of discovering who I am means that I will go through trials, but God will help me through them.

My second class was taught by Alissa Smith, entitled "The Worth of Souls is Great". It was centered around the scripture in D&C 18:10 which reads; "Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God;". She talked about how the world thinks we need to be perfect, and we often get sucked into that. She also told us the definition of perfect, which is; having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics or as good as it is possible to be, or whole. In my scriptures next to the scripture I have written; "The worth of souls is the capacity to become a God." Isn't that the truth? God doesn't care about how much make-up we wear, what the new fashions are, what color our hair is. God loves us just the way we are, and if we remember that and strive for celestial glory, God will bless us abundantly. After the two morning classes we had our panel discussion, where in questions were asked from the youth, and were answered by the panel members. It was pretty cool. The last class I went to that day was titled "It's your life... what will you choose?" by Dustin Bennion. I wrote a lot of things down during this class, but I will just share a few.

  • We start sinking when we stop focusing on the Savior
  • If we do start sinking, the Savior will always have His hand reached out to us.
  • Success is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from our mistakes.
  • If you can imagine it, you can achieve it.
This was probably my favorite class, Bro. Bennion was so good at having the Spirit in his lessons, it really helped my testimony grow.
        Games night was Wednesday also, it was way fun! We didn't win any of the competitions (except our flag was one of the winners), but we had fun working together to compete against other teams. We grew closer together, learned more about teamwork, and found out we are great at setting up for group photos!
       For gospel study that night, we focused on how we are loved daughters of our Heavenly Father. We talked about how awesome each of us are, how God wants us to be happy, and how God's and Christ's love for us is infinite! I AM AWESOME!

Thursday: Thursday was "spiritual day" We all wore best dress. The morning side Thursday was by Bro. and Sis. Sweat. It was on women and the church. A few things I wrote down about this;

  • Don't take counsel from my fears.
  • Marriage and family are faith-based.
Two things to remember

  1. Don't compare myself with others.
  2. Christ will restore/redeem all unfairness and inequities of life.
      After that was the Young Men/Young Women Activity, where we split up and read over and discussed The Family: A Proclamation to the World. My group talked about how important it is to be kind to your family and what a great blessing it is to be sealed to them for time and all eternity.  I love my family so much! I couldn't imagine my life without them, I'm so glad I am sealed to them forever, even if I do fight with them, I love them to death.
       The musical program was that day also, I participated in that and came closer to my Savior by singing my testimony for others. The musical program was definitely an experience I can't forget. In between songs, there were some speaking parts, and a few messages from general authorities. Throughout the whole program, a slide show was on, showing pictures that went along with the songs and the spoken words. It was amazing how strong the spirit was during the program, it was so cool!
       Testimony meeting was that night, and what an amazing experience that was! I bore my testimony just quickly on how much I was grateful for the gospel and my family and my EFY company. I actually didn't bawl my eyes out, which was amazing. It was really cool to listen to the others bear their testimonies on what they have gone through, and how they grew from that, the Spirit was with all of us that night I'm sure.
     To end the day our session directors gave a fireside. One thing that really stuck out to me was that the Atonement means cover. Christ wraps His arms around us and covers us. And the sacrament is a re-commitment of our love for Christ. I know that I have often felt the warm embrace of my Savior, especially in my time of need, it is the best feeling in the world, to know that Christ has His arms around us and will protect us from the world. 
    Gospel Study that day, for me was centered around the Holy Ghost. In the topical guide under Holy Ghost it says; dove, source of testimony. I also thought it was cool how when Mary was pregnant with Jesus Christ in Matthew 1:18 it said "Mary was with child of the Holy Ghost." That just goes to show that even when He wasn't born yet, He still was alive with the Spirit. 

Friday: Our last day of EFY started out with a morning side by Bro. Sweat, as usual. Here are a few things I learned that morning;
what we see and hear = what we think
what we think = what we desire
what we desire = our actions
our actions = our character
our character = our destiny
So everything lies on what we see and hear, so we need see and hear Christ in everything we do. The more we focus on Jesus, the more we see and hear Him in our lives. 
      After the morning side we had a sharing the gospel activity, there are four steps; 
  1. Restate the question that was asked you.
  2. Answer the question.
  3. Testify of what I answered.
  4. Invite.
It was really cool searching for a specific answer to a question someone might ask me about the gospel, I was lead to where answers were by the Holy Ghost, and knew what I was supposed to say. 
      Next was the variety show, everyone did amazing, it was really cool that others had the courage to share their talents with others. 
    During gospel study Friday I contemplated going on a mission, and kept studying the scriptures and praying after EFY also, and got the answer that yes I should go on a mission. But what I really loved about that night was the goal we set to keep after EFY because of EFY. We all shared them with eachother. Here's mine; Because of what I learned at EFY, I will remember Christ's love for me.
    Later was our last dance, which I mostly sat out for because of the pain in my foot. After that was a short good-bye fireside from Bro. and Sis. Sweat, then we all sang the EFY theme song "Here Am I" and the EFY Medley. My company all sang it in a group hug. That was when I really broke down and bawled my eyes out, starting during the Medley, all throughout the closing prayer, our hugs and good-byes and it didn't stop until we were on the road headed back to my cousin's house.                                                                           Here's some awesome videos that were shared.






Love,
Kenzie

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Family History

Today in Young Women's we talked about family history. My leader had us do an activity, half of the class wrote letters to their posterity (the other half of the class) as if they were in Spirit Prison because they never had the opportunity to have the saving ordinances. In the letters, they expressed their love for us and told us how much it would mean to them if we could find their names and take them to the temple.

It made me realize that our ancestors probably are up their behind the bars of Spirit prison, waiting for us to set them free. So why aren't we doing anything? When I read my "letter" I felt bad that they were up their suffering, because I haven't taken the time to listen to the Spirit and find their names to take to the temple. But, it also made me feel hopeful that their is still time to break them free of their bonds. So that they have the opportunity to accept Christ and His gospel and see all of their family again.

I am so grateful for the blessings of the temple, technology, family history, and eternal families. I love this gospel so much and am thankful for it in my life. My family is the best anyone could ask for, and I have amazing friends. I've been blessed with so many things and to top it all off, I got my Young Womanhood recognition award today! Hope you all have a fabulous week!

Love,
Kenzie