Simplify

Just this week as my pain suddenly was gone again I read Elder Uchtdorf's talk from October 2015 General Conference entitled It Works Wonderfully! In it he makes the comment of how often we make our discipleship too complicated and that we need to simplify our worship and our energy and time. However, it had a different meaning to me. I had been praying on how I could better appreciate the things in my life even while in the midst of a trial. I diligently look for my 'manna' each day and write down five things I'm thankful for each night in my journal, but I felt like I was missing small blessings God was granting me, I felt like I wasn't appreciating everything He did/does for me. When I read this talk I realized I needed to look for the simple things that make me smile and bring me joy. Another talk of Elder Uchtdorf's I read recently called A Summer with Great-Aunt Rose made me realize I was focusing too much on what wasn't working, what wasn't helping, and what wasn't happening that I wanted to. I became aware that even though I'm facing this seemingly awful trial there are still miracles and joy all around me. In his talk He said "But I know people who, even when things don't work out, focus on the wonders and miracles of life. These folks are the happiest people I know." I wanted to be one of those happy people. I know that I would be happy when the pain was gone, when I could participate in life again, but I didn't want to wait, which ties into the first talk I mentioned, noticing and being thankful for the small miracles, the small smiles, the small everythings that bring me joy. I love this Gospel and that Heavenly Father created us to have joy, He doesn't want us to be miserable, that's Satan's desire. God's desire is for us to have faith that He knows what He's doing and that His love for us is eternal! I love Him and all the things I've learned on a daily basis because I choose to be in tune with His Holy Spirit.
Love,
Kenzie

https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/2015/11/general-womens-session/a-summer-with-great-aunt-rose?lang=eng
https://www.lds.org/study/liahona/2015/11/saturday-morning-session/it-works-wonderfully?lang=eng

Twig of Faith

I saw a quote by President Henry B. Erying that says, "Acting on even a twig of faith allows God to grow it." I can testify that this principle is so true. Towards the end of my pain filled months (though I didn't know it was towards the end) I kept thinking about the plans I had to move to Logan for school for spring semester. One of my friends had a spot opening up in her apartment. After comparing many apartment prices, locations, and availability I decided that moving in with her was the best decision I could make. My question was, would I be well enough to live in Logan and go to school there? As I was contemplating this I had the impression that I would be better by the time January came and able to go to school. So, I paid for my spot in the apartment and gave God all my faith and trust that I would be able to move. I continued to deal with pain for awhile longer. A few weeks later I realized that I had gone all week without the debilitating pain that knocked me down and forced me onto the couch once again. I was ecstatic to have manageable pain finally. I slowly began more activities and using my muscles and energy more. It was exhausting at first trying to be active and normal again. But, I slowly gained my strength back, I began work again, and was able to exercise once more. I began to have more and more faith that my goals would be met and here I am writing this post from my apartment in Logan after a fun day of classes and dinner with my Grandpa. As I dealt with the crazy, unexplainable, seemingly untreatable pain for 5 1/2 months, I often wondered if I would ever be able to exercise, go to church, go to the temple,go to school, go to work, or take part in life again. When that peace came telling me to go ahead with my plans and trust that I would be better I finally felt hope again that life would be good again, I'm not going to lie, those 5 1/2 months sucked. But, I wouldn't have the relationship with my Heavenly Father that I have today had I not gone through those excruciating months and learned to tell my Father in Heaven everything I was feeling and thinking. I now talk to Him about my worries and problems with ease and never doubt that He is listening. I love Him so much and am so grateful for the things I learned while down and for everything I once took for granted. I challenge each of you to take time everyday to talk to your Heavenly Father, tell Him everything you would tell your mom, or your dad, or your therapist, or whoever it is you tell everything. He wants to hear it too. He wants to help you. He wants to show you His love.
Love,
Kenzie

When God gives you a carrot...make lemonade?

There is that saying that when life gives you lemons make lemonade. Well, what does one do when life gives you oranges, or plums, or apples, or a combination of many different things, then what do you do? First and foremost before you are given anything turn to God, when you end up with multiple fruits, turn to God and recognize that God gave you something, whether it be a lemon, an orange, a plum, an apple, or even a carrot. God gave it to you for a reason, so we need to learn to roll with whatever God has in store for us. Maybe He gives us something we have no idea what to do with. That's when we do some research, we turn to the scriptures, to words of the prophets new and old and to words of Christ. Along with research we must be humble, we must have an open heart and mind in order for God to tell us what to do next. Going into this conference I couldn't think of any certain question I needed answered, but felt prompted to just go with an open heart and mind and be willing to work with whatever God gives me, well during the General Women's Session of conference tonight He gave me a carrot. President Russell M. Nelson our beloved prophet gave us four invitations the first one was to fast from media for ten days. Holy cow! I've done a social media fast before, but over the past four months being sick I have been on my phone using social media way too much because I am tired of everything else I have been doing over and over again as I lie in pain on my couch. I also realized that when I get anxious or depressed I get on my phone, which by the way is not a good coping skill. I have come to what would be called an addiction to social media and I am not okay with it. When President Nelson issued this challenge I immediately decided to try it because it is something that I need to do. What am I going to fill my time with now when I can't move because of the pain? That is a good question. But, I am going to take my carrot and I am going to find out what God intends me do with it because God gave it to me for a reason and I am determined to make the best of it. What have you been given that made you scratch your head and wonder, what in the world am I to do with this?
Love,
Kenzie

The Reality of Revelation

As many of you know I have been down for eight weeks with a couple different things that are causing an enormous amount of extreme pain, so much so that I can barely move when in the most intense pain. We always hear that trials are blessings in disguise, we can only grow from trials, and so forth. Well a few weeks in it still didn't seem like I was getting better and I even thought I might have been getting worse. I wondered to myself how on earth I was being blessed by this and when was it going to end? I kept up the faith and vigilantly wrote in my journal each night five things I was grateful for (a habit I've been at for years-thanks to my Mom). And each day I was surprised by the things God did for me that day and the good experiences I did have even while in pain. For one thing, I was grateful that the problems were not from my appendix. I was grateful for the kind thoughts and visits from friends. I was grateful often times for being able to get through the pain that day. In so many ways was God blessing me to recognize that even when we are at our lowest He and the Savior are there for me. That doesn't really strike home until I'm praying and I either receive peace to know I can keep going or revelation that things will be taken care of soon. One night while praying for patience to keep plugging along (because let's be honest my patience is completely gone after 8 weeks of excruciating pain) a thought came to mind that if I can just make it to this week when I was getting another test done and had a doctor's appointment (which we ended up canceling because they wouldn't have been able to help me like the other doctor's I have appointments with) that if I could make it till this week I would receive answers to what's been going on. I don't know how fast I will heal (if what I have is curable), I don't know when I will be able to get back to work, or even if I will be able to start school at the end of the month and go full time like I've scheduled. God didn't give me the answers to all my questions, but He gave me enough to keep me going for a time longer. To say not having all the answers scares me is an understatement, but I am praying with all my heart that God will help me keep having faith in His plan and in His timing, because I don't have anything else to go off of here, I am choosing to put all my faith in every single prayer I utter that God will guide me and I'm putting every ounce of faith in my Savior, because He is the only one who understands the exact pain I'm going through and is the only one who can get me through this. I came across a quote today that said "You can worry or you can trust God, you can't do both." So I am choosing to trust God today, tomorrow, and every day.

Love,
Kenzie

When the Veil is Parted or Thin

"I remind you that it is a veil, not a wall, that separates us from the spirit world." (Boyd K. Packer, April 1987). During institute this week we discussed the Brother of Jared and how the veil was taken from his eyes and He saw first the finger of the Savior and then the body of the Savior. We talked about how even now the veil is parted or becomes thin at certain times in our lives. One way that it may be thin is when we seem to see others differently. I had an experience just the other day that allowed me to feel of some of God's love for a neighbor. I had just gotten back from taking a neighbor some treats as I entered my room I felt overwhelming love for this lady and realized I had felt the same as we visited with her. I also came to realize the next day at institute that at that time the veil had been thin, and I had felt some of God's love for this lady and cared for her even more than I did previously to this visit. I also knew that even though the love I felt for her was overwhelming, that it was only a part of what God feels for her and for each of us.

Another experience I had this week wherein the veil was thin was when I was at the temple being confirmed for some of my ancestors. As the priesthood brethren laid their hands on my head and began confirming me for the deceased I felt as if the only people in the room were myself and those I was being confirmed for. What an amazing experience to know that I can be a part of the amazing work of allowing my ancestors the blessings that I have today. I am so glad that I have enough faith in miracles to allow me these sacred experiences on a daily basis.

I love going to the temple each week and doing work that allows my ancestors to become more Christ-like. I love being able to know that many of my ancestors I have done work for have accepted those ordinances and are now part of Christ's fold.


Love,
Kenzie

When We Cry

I got wondering last night, if when we are hurting and the only thing God can do is reassure us of His love because He knows we have to go through this to become who we are supposed to become, if maybe as we cry, He cries too, because He knows what we are dealing with is hard, but He also knows it will all be worth it. Maybe He cries with us because our moments of pain, fear, and anguish seem to last an eternity and He knows that. And maybe as Christ steps forward to take the burden from us, God has to put His arm up and stop Him for a little while longer, because we need to learn and grow in faith that our Savior and Heavenly Father allow us to go through trials so we can get to know Them better. And maybe, just maybe, even when we are done crying and the trial has passed, He continues to cry because He is proud of the way we faced our challenges and turned to Him and Christ for succor.

 I know that we go through trials and challenges for a specific purpose, that might not always be apparent as we face it. I know that God does not leave us comfortless, I know that the Savior runs to us when we need help, but sometimes God has to hold Him back until we have become humble enough to turn to Him in good times and in bad times. I know that Heavenly Father loves me and He loves you. I know that the Savior also loves me and you. I love that I can turn to my Father in Heaven no matter what and that I know that He is always listening to me and giving me enough peace and help from the Holy Ghost and the Savior to get me through each trial. I am grateful for the challenges that face me and the ways I have grown spiritually and mentally and also closer to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.


Love,
Kenzie

The Book of Mormon Brings Me Peace

The Book of Mormon has changed my life. Since I was little my family has read The Book of Mormon as a family most nights before going to bed. I always wanted to read the whole book by myself. I did not until ninth grade when we studied it in my religion’s seminary class. As I read and studied it I began to understand principles of my religion better and come to know for myself that what was in The Book of Mormon was true. Since then I have read The Book of Mormon 2-3 more times and my love for it grows every time I read it. It never truly hit me how important it was until junior year of high school when I was put into a mental health hospital because of severe depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder). The first few days in the hospital were really rough, I was in a strange place, with strange people I had never met before, being given different medicines that were messing with my body, and I really did not want to be there. It did not start getting better until my mom brought in a Book of Mormon for me to read. I began reading it every moment of free time I had. I would read it before and after meals, between exercise times, and after phone calls and visiting hour. As I read I was finally awarded some peace. Each time I would pick up and open the Book of Mormon I was granted a measure of peace. It did not take away the pain I was suffering, make my body stop doing weird things, or cure me of my illness. Anxiety and depression are not totally curable after all. But reading and studying The Book of Mormon gave me enough peace and hope to keep fighting against those forces that were striving to bring me down. It gave me a clarity of mind to see my situation as it should be looked at, as a challenge yes, but also as a way to grow and become stronger. It opened my eyes to the truths that bring great comfort to those who seek it and allowed me to become closer to my Savior Jesus Christ.

            The Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ, it says so right on the cover. I can testify that The Book of Mormon truly does bring one closer to Christ. During my stay at the hospital I grew in ways I never believed were possible and most of the ways I grew were spiritual. By growing spiritually, I was also able to grow mentally and strengthen my mind and body against my trials called anxiety and depression. By reading The Book of Mormon every day I was able to draw upon the strength of my Savior, partake of His peace, and find the hope I needed to keep pushing on to one more day. I continue to read The Book of Mormon every day and rely on its power to give me peace.

Love,
Kenzie