Week 1 & 2 of My Life as a Missionary

Week #1

This is Sister Sanders reporting for duty. Week number one went pretty well besides getting sick at the end of it. I already had a good scripture study and prayer routine, but studying the Gospel for an hour each day has made such a difference in my life. I don't know if its because I am a missionary now, I slowed down my study, or realized I have more time than I thought I did, or all of the above, whichever it is my scripture study has become more meaningful to me and I have learned so much more from my studies this week than I ever have before. 

On Tuesday I went to the Food Pantry from 11-1. The process of taking the customers through the store was simple and easy to get a hang of and it was very enjoyable visiting with the different people who came in. That night I had institute at 6:30-7 and it was a spiritual feast like always. 

Wednesdays I would normally go to the YSA activity that night, but was in a lot of pain and unable to attend. 

On Thursday I served at the family history center from 1-5. I have done a lot of family history, but didn't think I knew enough to help people, as I began helping an older lady who came in I realized I knew more about the family history website and connecting families than I thought I did. It was hard sitting in a chair for 4 hours, because static sitting often causes pain, but decided I will take short breaks and walk around the church while I'm there to get me through the 4 hrs. I also had a terrible headache after staring at computer screens for that long, but figure I will get used to that. 

Friday is normally my temple day from 11-4, but because I have bronchitis I had no energy and spent the weekend resting and am praying for a quick recovery so I can get going with this new week! Thanks for all of your love and support!

Week #2

This week I was sicker than sick, but when Tuesday morning came around I got myself to the Food Pantry, ready to serve...and they sent me home to rest. The rest of the week I stayed home just trying to breathe. I continued my Gospel study each day for an hour. Saturday and Sunday I began feeling better and was able to go to church, I am looking forward to this week as I continue to regain my health and strength. 

Love,

Kenzie

To Act in Faith

            During June’s stake conference as I sat at the adult session I suddenly and repeatedly had the thought that I needed to serve a service mission, now, this was not in my plans at all (I planned to get my health under control and head back to Logan to attend USU in the Fall) I kind of freaked out. Needless to say, I don’t remember much else from stake conference. When I got home, I cried and cried and cried. To be told to drop everything and postpone all your plans and do something completely different is scary! The next day I prayed about it and felt calm that serving a service mission was what I needed to do. As I went through the process of submitting my papers and got closer to this actually happening, I was plagued with doubts about if what I was doing was right. My anxiety shot up and I was still having health problems. I’ve been so worried about how I’m going to serve when I never know when pain is going to hit me. With all this happening, how did I have enough faith to act on this prompting that was not in my plans and get to where I am today?

            My faith began as a little child singing “I Am A Child of God” in primary, it grew as I recited the YW theme each week in Young Women’s. One culminating test of faith was during my Junior year of high school when I had a prolonged stay at a mental health facility and was diagnosed with depression. I was surrounded with negative people and was in the worst place mentally I’d ever been. A couple days into my stay I found a Book or Mormon and began reading it in my free time (which we had a lot of). In that dark, depressing time it was hard to feel the Spirit and hard to have faith that this was something I needed to go through. I hated every minute there but had never read The Book of Mormon in such a soul-searching way, nor exercised my faith with such fervency. This past year I was diagnosed with endometriosis, which unchecked can cause severe, debilitating pain. For many months all I could do was lay on the couch and pray for a solution. During that time, I learned to have faith that God does hear my prayers and I developed a closer relationship with Him. This past January I moved to Logan to attend school, a month into the semester I was struck with intense pain again. We went through the process of trying all sorts of new things to get me feeling better, still with no luck, I moved back home. I couldn’t understand why God wanted me home again and why I was in so much pain again. I kept praying to understand why this was happening to me when I received the prompting to serve a mission. All of those trials, the pain, the confusion all built my faith so when God told me to change my plans, I would have faith enough to obey. Alma 32 says faith is not a perfect knowledge. I didn’t know then why I had so much pain or why I still do, but I don’t need to know, I just have to have faith that God does know. Elder L. Tom Perry once said: “Even with the slightest tug from the Master, we must be willing to completely alter our course.” He also said: “Obedience is a choice, a choice between our own limited knowledge and power and God’s unlimited wisdom and omnipotence.”

            Now, let me briefly describe the process of being called to service mission since most people don’t know how it works. I fill out the same papers that other missionaries do , have the same meetings with the Bishop and Stake President. They add comments saying they recommend me for a service mission, but it is up to the prophet and quorum of the 12 to decide what kind of mission I will serve. I waited about 4 weeks for my call to come. It said that I would be serving a church service mission and that in the next 30 days more details would come. The next step is to meet with Bishop, stake president, parents, and the mission leaders over the Brigham area, we discussed what options I have to give service in the community. Then the mission leaders took me around to the possible places. The Bishop’s storehouse, food pantry, temple, family history center, DI, and the Distribution Center. I then came up with a schedule of when I want to go where, that was sent to Pres. Mecham then to SLC to the apostles, they approved it and sent it back and that was considered my assignment call. I was set apart as a full-time missionary this past Monday and began my mission on Tuesday where I spent 2 hours at the food pantry, I will also be at the family history center on Thursdays and the temple on Fridays. Some of the rules are like proselytizing missionaries, no dating, no babysitting. Some rules are a little different, I only have to wear my name badge at church and at my service assignments. So, that’s the process, like I mentioned earlier my anxiety from this change continued to rise, I spent a couple nights crying because I was so stressed and was honestly hoping when I went to get set-apart that the Spirit would tell Pres. Mecham that God needed me doing something else besides a mission. While I was being set apart, I cried, not happy tears, but anxious, am I doing the right thing tears. When I got home, I began to feel strength seeping into my body and peace settle in my mind and heart. To be set apart as a missionary for Christ is a very ennobling experience.  I began to be excited again to start my mission and realized once again how if we put our faith in God, He will provide a way for us to accomplish all He commands us to do. 1 Nephi 3:7 says exactly that, “And it came to pass that I, Nephi said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.” Honestly, I don’t know why I was so worried, I got to the food pantry and loved it there and couldn’t wait to go back. I am so excited to serve God’s children for the next 12 months and be able to grow and strengthen my faith even more. I spent 4 hours at the family history center, 3 of which was spent helping one woman connect her aunt and her family to her family tree so she could do the work for them. How grateful I am that I have faith in the Plan of Salvation and that I know there are many people waiting to step into Spirit Paradise and out of Spirit Prison. I wasn’t able to go to the temple this week, due to having bronchitis, but look forward to going next week!

            In October’s general conference Elder Alvarado gave a talk on trials and faith. In it he said: “Ultimately, everything God invites us and commands us to do is an expression of His love for us and His desire to give us the blessings reserved for the faithful.” I believe I can honestly say I am one of His faithful. I chose to come to Earth, thereby choosing Christ’s plan over Lucifer’s. I chose to be baptized at the age of 8 and received the Holy Ghost. Throughout my life I ‘ve tried to listen to the Holy Ghost, sometimes I don’t, but I have faith that I can repent and try again. I chose to receive my endowments in the temple and make more covenants with my Heavenly Father. I chose to serve a service mission for my Savior. All these required faith in my Heavenly Father that if I keep my covenants, He would keep the promises He made with me. I had to have faith that the Savior knows me and will help me through this journey called life. I also had to have faith in myself, that I was and am worthy to receive help from my Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ.

Love,
Kenzie

Created in the Image of God

Because of some recent health problems I gained a lot of weight, my clothes didn't fit anymore, I was more tired, and I hated that it seemed like no matter what I wore it was very obvious that I had gained weight. When those health problems were resolved I decided to go to a nutritionist and get some professional help losing weight. She recommended a few changes to my diet and exercise, the only problem was I had just injured my foot and was in a boot. I also knew that if I tried to change everything at once I would get overwhelmed and end up quitting. I began my new regime and had been working at it for at least a month and a half with no visible results, needless to say I was frustrated. During this time I would keep making the same mistakes over and over again and beating myself up over it each time. I came to loathe how much I weighed and the stretch marks beginning to show all over my body. I hated having to buy bigger clothes and trying to change my normal routine and eating habits. It is hard! One thing that has helped me was a discussion we had at institute a couple weeks ago. We discussed how God knows we are mortal and will always make mistakes, but He loves us anyway. One point that was brought up was how the scriptures teach that when we sincerely repent God remembers the sin no more, so even though we might make the same mistakes over and over again, as long as we are fully repenting God views it as the first time we've made that mistake. How eye-opening that was for me to know that God loves and supports me through every repeated mistake as long as I am taking the steps to sincerely repent. 

Though that was a great reminder for me, I still found myself upset because of my appearance and weight. My mom recommended I read the August Ensign and New Era because the whole topic of this month was the body. I took her advice and read each article that had to do with the body. I read about how our bodies are temples for our spirits and how we are created in the image of God. These things I already knew, but as I kept reading I learned things that most people know, but don't accept in their own lives. Some tips were given on how to improve one's body image and stop negative thinking. A few of those tips were: seeing as God sees through the lens of love, realizing that Satan is the one putting those negative thoughts in our heads because he doesn't have a body like we do, and the one I liked the best was: when negative thoughts come about my body, practice gratitude for what my body can do! I got to an article that didn't have much to do with what I've been talking about when suddenly I was overcome with love, God was telling me that I am loved and I am worthy, and I am beautiful and amazing and everything else Satan kept telling me I was not. Now, I know those thoughts won't stop completely, but I do know that now I have that affirmation from God to keep me going through those times when I just don't feel good enough. I am going to keep at my diet and exercise goals, I am going to keep praying and studying the Gospel, and above all I am going to remind myself what God thinks of me and be grateful for what my body can do and does do everyday. I am so blessed to have a loving Heavenly Father in my life who I keep in frequent contact with and a Savior who suffered below what I ever will so He can lift me from underneath. I will end with a great quote from our prophet President Russell M. Nelson: "With your body being such a vital part of God’s eternal plan, it is little wonder that the Apostle Paul described it as a “temple of God.”¹⁴ Each time you look in the mirror, see your body as your temple. That truth—refreshed gratefully each day—can positively influence your decisions about how you will care for your body and how you will use it." ("Decisions for Eternity," Ensign, Nov. 2013).

Love,
Kenzie

Simplify

Just this week as my pain suddenly was gone again I read Elder Uchtdorf's talk from October 2015 General Conference entitled It Works Wonderfully! In it he makes the comment of how often we make our discipleship too complicated and that we need to simplify our worship and our energy and time. However, it had a different meaning to me. I had been praying on how I could better appreciate the things in my life even while in the midst of a trial. I diligently look for my 'manna' each day and write down five things I'm thankful for each night in my journal, but I felt like I was missing small blessings God was granting me, I felt like I wasn't appreciating everything He did/does for me. When I read this talk I realized I needed to look for the simple things that make me smile and bring me joy. Another talk of Elder Uchtdorf's I read recently called A Summer with Great-Aunt Rose made me realize I was focusing too much on what wasn't working, what wasn't helping, and what wasn't happening that I wanted to. I became aware that even though I'm facing this seemingly awful trial there are still miracles and joy all around me. In his talk He said "But I know people who, even when things don't work out, focus on the wonders and miracles of life. These folks are the happiest people I know." I wanted to be one of those happy people. I know that I would be happy when the pain was gone, when I could participate in life again, but I didn't want to wait, which ties into the first talk I mentioned, noticing and being thankful for the small miracles, the small smiles, the small everythings that bring me joy. I love this Gospel and that Heavenly Father created us to have joy, He doesn't want us to be miserable, that's Satan's desire. God's desire is for us to have faith that He knows what He's doing and that His love for us is eternal! I love Him and all the things I've learned on a daily basis because I choose to be in tune with His Holy Spirit.
Love,
Kenzie

https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/2015/11/general-womens-session/a-summer-with-great-aunt-rose?lang=eng
https://www.lds.org/study/liahona/2015/11/saturday-morning-session/it-works-wonderfully?lang=eng

Twig of Faith

I saw a quote by President Henry B. Erying that says, "Acting on even a twig of faith allows God to grow it." I can testify that this principle is so true. Towards the end of my pain filled months (though I didn't know it was towards the end) I kept thinking about the plans I had to move to Logan for school for spring semester. One of my friends had a spot opening up in her apartment. After comparing many apartment prices, locations, and availability I decided that moving in with her was the best decision I could make. My question was, would I be well enough to live in Logan and go to school there? As I was contemplating this I had the impression that I would be better by the time January came and able to go to school. So, I paid for my spot in the apartment and gave God all my faith and trust that I would be able to move. I continued to deal with pain for awhile longer. A few weeks later I realized that I had gone all week without the debilitating pain that knocked me down and forced me onto the couch once again. I was ecstatic to have manageable pain finally. I slowly began more activities and using my muscles and energy more. It was exhausting at first trying to be active and normal again. But, I slowly gained my strength back, I began work again, and was able to exercise once more. I began to have more and more faith that my goals would be met and here I am writing this post from my apartment in Logan after a fun day of classes and dinner with my Grandpa. As I dealt with the crazy, unexplainable, seemingly untreatable pain for 5 1/2 months, I often wondered if I would ever be able to exercise, go to church, go to the temple,go to school, go to work, or take part in life again. When that peace came telling me to go ahead with my plans and trust that I would be better I finally felt hope again that life would be good again, I'm not going to lie, those 5 1/2 months sucked. But, I wouldn't have the relationship with my Heavenly Father that I have today had I not gone through those excruciating months and learned to tell my Father in Heaven everything I was feeling and thinking. I now talk to Him about my worries and problems with ease and never doubt that He is listening. I love Him so much and am so grateful for the things I learned while down and for everything I once took for granted. I challenge each of you to take time everyday to talk to your Heavenly Father, tell Him everything you would tell your mom, or your dad, or your therapist, or whoever it is you tell everything. He wants to hear it too. He wants to help you. He wants to show you His love.
Love,
Kenzie

When God gives you a carrot...make lemonade?

There is that saying that when life gives you lemons make lemonade. Well, what does one do when life gives you oranges, or plums, or apples, or a combination of many different things, then what do you do? First and foremost before you are given anything turn to God, when you end up with multiple fruits, turn to God and recognize that God gave you something, whether it be a lemon, an orange, a plum, an apple, or even a carrot. God gave it to you for a reason, so we need to learn to roll with whatever God has in store for us. Maybe He gives us something we have no idea what to do with. That's when we do some research, we turn to the scriptures, to words of the prophets new and old and to words of Christ. Along with research we must be humble, we must have an open heart and mind in order for God to tell us what to do next. Going into this conference I couldn't think of any certain question I needed answered, but felt prompted to just go with an open heart and mind and be willing to work with whatever God gives me, well during the General Women's Session of conference tonight He gave me a carrot. President Russell M. Nelson our beloved prophet gave us four invitations the first one was to fast from media for ten days. Holy cow! I've done a social media fast before, but over the past four months being sick I have been on my phone using social media way too much because I am tired of everything else I have been doing over and over again as I lie in pain on my couch. I also realized that when I get anxious or depressed I get on my phone, which by the way is not a good coping skill. I have come to what would be called an addiction to social media and I am not okay with it. When President Nelson issued this challenge I immediately decided to try it because it is something that I need to do. What am I going to fill my time with now when I can't move because of the pain? That is a good question. But, I am going to take my carrot and I am going to find out what God intends me do with it because God gave it to me for a reason and I am determined to make the best of it. What have you been given that made you scratch your head and wonder, what in the world am I to do with this?
Love,
Kenzie

The Reality of Revelation

As many of you know I have been down for eight weeks with a couple different things that are causing an enormous amount of extreme pain, so much so that I can barely move when in the most intense pain. We always hear that trials are blessings in disguise, we can only grow from trials, and so forth. Well a few weeks in it still didn't seem like I was getting better and I even thought I might have been getting worse. I wondered to myself how on earth I was being blessed by this and when was it going to end? I kept up the faith and vigilantly wrote in my journal each night five things I was grateful for (a habit I've been at for years-thanks to my Mom). And each day I was surprised by the things God did for me that day and the good experiences I did have even while in pain. For one thing, I was grateful that the problems were not from my appendix. I was grateful for the kind thoughts and visits from friends. I was grateful often times for being able to get through the pain that day. In so many ways was God blessing me to recognize that even when we are at our lowest He and the Savior are there for me. That doesn't really strike home until I'm praying and I either receive peace to know I can keep going or revelation that things will be taken care of soon. One night while praying for patience to keep plugging along (because let's be honest my patience is completely gone after 8 weeks of excruciating pain) a thought came to mind that if I can just make it to this week when I was getting another test done and had a doctor's appointment (which we ended up canceling because they wouldn't have been able to help me like the other doctor's I have appointments with) that if I could make it till this week I would receive answers to what's been going on. I don't know how fast I will heal (if what I have is curable), I don't know when I will be able to get back to work, or even if I will be able to start school at the end of the month and go full time like I've scheduled. God didn't give me the answers to all my questions, but He gave me enough to keep me going for a time longer. To say not having all the answers scares me is an understatement, but I am praying with all my heart that God will help me keep having faith in His plan and in His timing, because I don't have anything else to go off of here, I am choosing to put all my faith in every single prayer I utter that God will guide me and I'm putting every ounce of faith in my Savior, because He is the only one who understands the exact pain I'm going through and is the only one who can get me through this. I came across a quote today that said "You can worry or you can trust God, you can't do both." So I am choosing to trust God today, tomorrow, and every day.

Love,
Kenzie